Search me?!

Ok, it's been a while and I admit, these aren't all that juicy! But it's what I've gotten in the past few weeks...But it does actually make me wonder...Am I getting lame-o?

Do I need to juice up the content here?

Nah....what you see is what you get, I'm afraid.

Hope you had a good weekend. Mine was quiet. Some would say boring. I wouldn't say....But some would say...

________________________________________

"Glycerine Suppositories in wrong hole" from Newnan, Georgia - I am so sorry honey!

"How to stop being a weeny parent" from Whittier, California - Are you trying to tell me something? Jerk?

"Neighbor plays the drums all hours" from Oxnard, California - Yikes! I'd be pissed off...but hey, it's better than a barking dog. Does he have rhythm?

"Red meat for morning sickness" from USA - Being I don't eat it, I think that's fucking gross...

"Panty liner potty training" from LA California - If I knew it would work, I'd try it.

"Noisy neighbors lawnmower" from Winter Park, Florida - Is it at 3 in the morning? If not, I don't think you can complain. A man's gotta mow his lawn.

"Nine Inch Nails, Mommy I know" from Netherlands - What? What?

"Am I too fat to ride a horse?" from Reston Virginia - Honey, if you're asking you probably are?

"pictures of girls with panty liners" from Dallas, Texas (I assume) - What is wrong with you people? It really isn't all that exciting to see...get a grip on reality here, wouldya?

"the twins pop out and say cheese in front of your family and friends..." from Denver, Colorado - Don't you just hate when that happens?

"peeing-dancing performance" from Zuid-holland, Rotterdam, Netherlands - What? What? Where the hell do you find that? Is there even a thing as that? Show me.

Why, I'll be...

This is why I love the blogosphere....

I have met more cool people here than in my entire life...

Mamma wrote up a petition for me to attend BlogHer... How great is that? I just can't seem to justify the trip and she spent her time to write up reasons why she wants little 'ole me there...Out of all the bloggers in the world, she wrote up a petition for me...

It's not about going on the trip. Yes, I would love to meet Mamma and all the other friends I have met here...And I know I'll get a chance to one day...And hell yeah, I'd love to go...

It's about the camaraderie and friendships I have established here in just under one whole year of blogging.

When I first started this blog, it was to keep an online journal of my life as Girls Mamma. BD and most of the other people I know were skeptical about my new hobby because I'd be exposing our privacy to compete and utter pervs.

Well yes, there are some pervs out there and through trial and error, a change of titles and themes and an overall self-awareness of what I spew...I have figured out what my personal limits are here at Dancing Through and I am comfortable with what I write about.

My online journal began to grow into conversations with new people and all of a sudden, I had this support system and I gained new readers and met other bloggers and learned about their lives and became attached to those new friends and we became one. One blogging community with a similar goal..to express ourselves...And the feedback is breathtaking! That feedback has literally brightened up grey days for me and helped me through some tough crap.

I am in awe of the people out there and the hearts they possess...

So, thank you Mamma for your petition. It may not get me to BlogHer but it sure has made me feel special.

And thank you to all of the friends I have met through this blog...I truly do want to hug you all.

Have a great holiday weekend!!!!

This is the end...

Mommy & Me is over today.

When it started, I was sad because this would be the last time Girl and I would be in 'school' together...Today, I am a bag of tears because it is really over. My little girl is growing up fast.

My little, shy girl is empowered and strong and growing by leaps and bounds. She loves school. She loves her teacher, she loves playing with her friends...But I have always been there with her.

And I still despise that Flash Card Bitch.

September, she starts five days a week, two and a half hours each and every morning without (gasp!) me. (Deep breaths. Try not to. Hyper. Venti. Late)

Gah!

I truly believe that with a little encouragement, she will separate just fine. Her school is phenomenal. I trust they will take good care of her.

But, what. About. Me?

Me?

Mamma?

The one who dies a little each time she shows her independence?

The one who cherishes her strength because I know that she will need it in this world...but the Mom who has never been too far from her baby???

Double Gah!

I wrote her teacher a thank you.
Wanna read it. It's sappy. I promise.
There aren't enough words to thank you for what you have done for our family in these past months.

Your enthusiasm for Girl and school and your patience with us has enabled her to find herself in your class. A feat I was not sure would happen. But it did.

You are an important role model for all of these children. You are their first introduction to school and you make it very special for them.

These experiences will last them a lifetime and the confidence you helped build will help them establish positive school careers.

Like the caterpillars we fed and watched grow last week, you nourished Girl's self-esteem this year and helped her build her confidence I knew she could find, but was afraid she wouldn't.

Her newfound enthusiasm helped my beautiful butterfly to emerge from her chrysalis ready to greet the world.

Girl has become a different child thanks to you. She is confident and open and more accepting of others. She enjoys playing with friends and finds comfort in new surroundings.

Without stressing it, you taught her that. You taught her that school is fun and she doesn't have to feel so afraid.

She looks forward to seeing you (even though you'd never guess it from the way she enters school) and she brags about you all the time. (I never heard her speak so highly about someone other than family!) She may not remember this year as dearly as I will, but I know you have left an imprint in her heart that she will carry her entire life.

And I thank you for that.

You have been very important to our family.

Your caring and advice (and pediatrician), your knowledge of this age group and patience with us as anxious parents will never go unnoticed in our hearts.

Like the imprint left forever in Girl's heart, you have left special memories of her first days of school that I will cherish always.

Thank you for sharing this experience with us.

With much love,

Girl and her Mom

Drop the gloves...and put on your tutu

We're bickering again. Girl and me.

Everything is a fight.

Every.

Farking.

Thing.

Put your shoes on. No.
Let's get dressed. No.
Eat your lunch. I don't wanna.
Potty Time...Nuh Uh.
Wanna go to the beach? Yes. I'll be good...
Honey don't get wet...(Ass in the water)...
OK, we're leaving...as I drag her kicking and screaming from the beach.

What a scene.

I couldn't wait for bed time tonight.

I spent this whole year trying to get her to open up and be comfortable in her surroundings and her skin. I took her to Mommy & Me, Gym class, parties, playdates. I nurtured her inner spirit and encouraged her to feel safe and happy in her own head.

I sang her songs about making friends and being independent. I taught her how to dress and undress herself. I taught her how to ask friends if she can play too...

In the meantime, as she was gaining confidence...she was turning against me.

She has become her own person.

Damnit.

She has gathered her own ideas and preferences. She has found some likes and dislikes that differ from my own. She has found her tiny niche in this gigantic world and she ain't lettin' me tell her what to do anymore.

I'm screwed.

She's starting to talk back and have at.tit.tude. I think I saw an eye roll in that head of hers today. I see her at 16 while she's still only three.

If only she'd learn that the potty is so much better than the pamper...I may be able to handle miss independence..

Uhm, nah.

Maybe she needs a new tutu...That always made me feel happy!!!
5 Minutes for Mom is hosting a contest...And I don't usually join contests...but looksee...We need a tutu...Tutu's are like cotton candy to curtsy in. I have always loved dancing in them and this company Tutu Fantasy (great name) makes absolutely gorgeous tutu's for dress up play or dance.

They would be perfect for Girl to dance around in while she jetes, pirouhettes and plies all over my livingroom...

The Tutus at this site are beautiful. I mean how cute can you get? They are handcrafted by a mom who I so want to meet...and designed to empower the dancer in all of us!

So go get your little girl a tutu..I know if I don't win the contest, I may purchase this one...

Five blogs I read and never linked to

Cherann, that confessed bookworm tagged me for a meme...I love them. They make me happy. This one in particular lets me show a little love to some people I have never linked to before or just started reading or both....

I can't even remember where I found all these blogs because my blogroll is getting kinda wiley. I always promised to keep it at 100 blogs, but that is just unrealistic since I'm addicted to so many different lives out there. I'm sure I've 'met' these bloggers through other blogs I read regularly or comments they have left.

1. Worker Mommy at Because I Must Blog is so cool and fun. I love reading about her family and her adventures. Her comments always make me smile too...

2. MetalMark at Heavy Metal Time Machine is a wealth of information on music. I enjoy reading his reviews, checking out his album covers and hearing his informed opinions on the music I love most.

3. Seattle Mamacita at Mama Mia No Sabia is amazing. She is witty and philosophical but she always remains real. Her down to earth attitude and love for her family is addictive... I wait patiently for her next posts...

4. Tiffani at Never Too Late. I just met her recently through Devilish Southern Belle. We all have the same love for men with eyeliner and long hair and they both even turned me on to new bands. I adore Tiffani's beautiful daughter and the way she writes is hysterical.

5. J. Lee from Single Mom in the City has such a wonderful outlook on life and enjoys every second with her son. I love reading about her fun times and her son's achievements.

I can't believe how many people out there bring joy to my life every day. You all make me laugh, cry and feel like I belong to something bigger. You help me see the brighter side of things and you commiserate with me when I am ready to shoot the dog. I am so in love with blogging because of the people I have 'met' here. Somehow, the world doesn't seem so small anymore.

Eat meme

Lest you think the dog is dead. Nope. Still breathing. Never fear. I'm not that mean. Miraculously, no dogs were actually harmed in the making of that last post. He has been in solitary confinement when we go out though, he eats my walls in anger/spite. Fun times I tell ya.

Hubs, you see doesn't want a crate. It's ugly. But I guess a half eaten couch and holy walls is more attractive...to some. To others, a crate would probably be a happier alternative. But for now, I'll douse the area in Bitter Apple (which Art licks like a treat) and pray for the best.

******************************
Moving on before my blood begins to boil all over again...


DSB, you are so sassy, I love it.

She tagged me for "5 eating places in my area."

The rules:
1. Link to the name of the person who tagged you.

2. Include the state and country you're in.

3. List your top 5 favorite places to eat at your location (locally).

4. Tag 5 other people (preferably from other countries/states) and let them know they've been tagged. (Unless you are like me and too lazy to actually tag anyone...)
_____________________

Here goes. Being from NYC and all...there are gobs and gobs of places to eat and drink. But the five that immediately come to mind when I think..."Hmmm, where could we go for a delicious meal, some drinks and an all around fun night out on the town?"...'Cause you know, I think that quite often...

1. Buddakan: We went there for the first time this year...Amazing food, drinks, atmosphere. Good luck getting a reservation though!

2. Monster Sushi: Sushi. Big. Mouthwatering. Yum.

3. Blue Water Grill in Union Square...You want to just eat everything on the menu.

4. Union Square Cafe: Still an all time favorite.

5. Gotham Bar & Grill:...ooh and the chocolate desserts...

(I tag you. I honestly have no patience to tag and tell)...

How do I hate thee?..Let me count the fucking ways.

1.

2.

3.

4.
You are such a shitstain. I can't even believe you are still here.

This is what I come home to after a nice lunch with my daughter.

Revenge is sweet...

(Believe it or not, he likey likey this...)

Bunny

This latest Bunny/Girl incident got me thinking.

I have told a few people about this but it hit me recently that Bunny is making herself known quite often these days. She is trying to tell me something. I know it. I know she's been around recently I have felt her close and I know I'm not losing my ever lovin' mind. I just wish I knew what she was trying to say. I hope it's just that she misses me too...

Girl knew who Bunny was way before I started talking about her. She met her for the first time (I know of) when she was about 16 (give or take) months old.

She was crying inconsolably late one night and I didn't know what else to do to make her stop. It had been going on for hours and Provider and I were both at a loss. Remember, Girl was colicky in the first few months of her life and I was so damaged by her incessant crying early on that when she finally grew out of it, I panicked every time she even welped a little...

Well, this wasn't a welp. It was full on screaming bloody murder. For hours. Upon hours. Until, I finally broke down and started crying right along with her.

We were sitting in her rocking chair. She was facing front and I was crying behind her. I was talking to Bunny in my head and asking her why she left me and how do I handle this and all that stuff you'd call your mother for at 2 in the morning when your kid is screaming...

After about 5 minutes, Girl started giggling. She broke out into fits of laughter. I'm talking screaming, crying one minute and in a split second later she changed to fits of giggles...

A warm feeling came over my neck and shoulders and all turned calm. Silent. I asked what Girl was laughing at and all she said through her laughter was "Bunny!"....

Through tears of mixed emotions; fear, joy, greif, sadness, helplessness...I realized my Mother came to us that night. When I needed her most, she was there to help.

And she's back again his month...I hope she stays longer this time...

It's in the bag

So, I can't remember where I saw this...But there were a few blogs out there purging the contents of their purses/bags and I felt like I needed a good purge myself.

So here goes.

That's my bag baby.



It's what I use for a diaper bag/purse. I have 3-4 different bags that I switch through on a daily basis but they all stem from the contents of this one in particular!

These are Girl's supplies.

Pull ups (Don't remind me)/wipes/water bottle/snacks...we never leave home without these particular items for the Girl.

These are the Mom-supplies.

Sunglasses/eye drops/wallet/keys/phone/pens (notice nothing to write on)

Next in line of importance is the toys.
We have Littlest Pet Shop Pets on hand at all times/a stuffed, quacking duck/slinky/playing cards/coloring pad and crayons. You never know when you need distractions while you are in traffic or out to eat.

Then, you have Mom's toys.
The stuff that keeps HER sane.
The iPod, always updated and charged. Socks for gym class and meditation stones that help keep the positive vibes flowing. I need all the help I can get.

The wallet.
Which carries NO cash.
But lots of plastic.
And gift/shopping cards.
(I don't even go to Stop and Shop...since the aphid incident, and when was the last time I stepped foot in a Blockbuster???)

Must. Stay. Hydrated.
Gasp.

How do I find anything in this thing?


OH! Yeah...and....

There's a body-bag waitin' for this.

This photo was shot right after I discovered he ate the ENTIRE insides of a couch cushion...He always looks guilty when he's done something wrong. At least he has the decency to UNZIP the cusion before he chows down...oh, and the poop...not fun. Must be hard to squeeze out gigantic chunks of couch from your quarter sized butthole.

Moms don't leave?

How do I convince my daughter of that when I am living proof that indeed some moms leave?

Schnuggling before a nap recently, she asked me if I loved my Mommy and Daddy. (Red flags raised..she never mentions my Mom even when I talk about her) Of course, I said yes. She continued to ask, "Who's your Daddy?" (She knows full well the answer to this since we play this game often enough) "Papa" I answered with a smile. Then, she asked a question that I knew was coming but it still totally threw me for a loop.

"Who's your Mommy?"

"Well, my Mommy is 'Bunny'." I replied stiffly, waiting for her next question that was inevitably coming.

"Where is Bunny? My grandma?"

Here we go....

In my head I'm screaming, "I'm not ready for this" repeatedly...over an over. "She's only 3 years and 5 months old! 41 months! How has this concept entered her head so soon? How do I answer her?" "She may not be too young to ask the questions but she is too young to comprehend the answers..."

I began to tell her that Bunny, her grandma, my Mommy is in Heaven. (A concept I'm not too sure of myself...but I was thrown and caught off guard.)

She asked me if I missed her and again, if I loved her and was I sad that she was not here?

How the hell does she do this?

I told her I do miss my Mommy terribly because she isn't here with me and I love her and I wish she was still here with us. I told her I was sad because she never got to meet her and I just know she would love her... the conversation went on for a few more minutes before The Girl told me "Not to worry because I'll make you feel better!" She said it to me. To my face. 3.5 years old. She even punctuated it with strong, neck-hugs! I am floored!

Then, she wouldn't let me leave her. She screamed bloody murder like I died a thousand deaths right in front of her, "Papa, Bunny, Mamma...Don't leave me!" "I'm scared you'll leave me!" "Mamma come back, don't leave me alone!"

Heartbreak.

Sheer shattered chest muscle.

You're not breathing, J. Breathe.

As I sat there rocking her close to my chest trying my damndest not to smother her with my kisses and trying even harder to convince her that I would never leave her and I will be her mommy forever...I felt guilty.

What if I do leave her?

What if I make her a motherless daughter?

I'm lying to her face.

How will she forgive me for telling her moms don't leave? When they do.

She is too young to be worried about this. She is too smart to not figure it out. She is too sensitive to forget this conversation any time soon.

I am sad that I have left her a legacy of loss and fear of being left alone by mother.

How could I do this to her?

How do I help her understand?

How do I rest her fears?

...Assure her that I am here for her...until she is older and better able to understand...that moms may leave this earth, but they can never be taken from your heart.

Why do I blog?

MammaLee, that's like asking why do I breathe? Why do I crap? Why do I scratch an itch?
But I'll play along because you know, I can't say no to a meme...

Sorry it's taking so long...I thought this would be easy.

But as you know, I can't just follow a meme...So I'm gonna switch it up a bit. I'm in a listing type of mood today. I'm making lists for a bunch of different things that need to be done this week...blogging isn't on there..but it should be.

"What would happen if I don't blog"...(of course)

1. I'd probably have to go back to therapy and spend way too much money on medication.
2. I'd just be some weirdo playing Dungeons and Dragons or Mah Jong online.
3. I'd spend more time with my daughter and she wouldn't ask me if I was done with my computer already.
4. I'd get a rash.
5. I'd have to spend more money on doctor visits and medicine for said rash.
6. I would be writing long-hand in my journal instead, that takes too long.
7. I wouldn't have these cool memories all typed up and ready to read.
8. I'd have nothing to do during those rare nap times. Wait! Change that to my house would be cleaner.
9. My DVR can't accommodate me as well as blogging can.
   
10. I would have never met these really cool blogger friends that I can't seem to live without these days.

There ya have it. Go forth and tag yourself.

Almost over.

Well, Mother's day was extremely stressful at times, but it turned out really nice in the end.

I am so tired today, I can't even go to school with The Girl.

We are gonna be lazy and run some errands.

I got two wonderful gift certificates to my favorite shops in town from The Girl and The Provider yesterday. I am quite surprised and exited to spend them.

We ended the day with dinner at Shun Lee with my family and I wound up laughing and having a really great time. We got there an hour and a half late due to an impromptu Girl-nap and they had to wait for us to eat dinner, but it turned out to be a fantastic time! Laughter was the theme of the night. And since the Girl napped, she was bright-eyed, bushy-tailed and raring to go!

I ate so much, I decided to leave you with my favorite commercial to let you know how I feel.


Hope you all had the day of your dreams.

I have one more score in my Hat Trick and my summer can officially begin without sadness...
On with it already!

Happy Mother's Day

To all mothers and daughters and sisters and nieces...

To all the women out there....past present and future. Enjoy this day made especially for you, as a woman.

I am so saddened today. I miss my mommy dearly. I just want to crawl under my covers and cry. But for my baby, I'll press on. That's what mommies do.

So, in honor of my mother, I encourage everyone to think of your own mothers with joy today. Whether she is sitting next to you tonight at the dinner table or hugging your heart in her next life...remember her with love. Tell her you love her and don't take her for granted.

And if you are not close with your mother or far from her as a person, then remember the special reasons why you are a wonderful mother. Remember the child or children that made you a mother and envelop them in your heart. I hug you all today.

Mothers give their lives, their souls, their hearts to their charges. They shape you into the person you are. They made sacrifices and made many mistakes but they love you endlessly.

Happy Mother's Day.

Bittersweet Symphony

This motherhood thing...

I know I am not the only one who feels this way, this time of year.

But, why is it always so hard?

Why can't I just enjoy the day without crying, stress, pimples, fear and resentment?

Will it always be this way?

Am I being selfish?

Am I wrong for feeling so bitter and betrayed?

Is it possible for me as a Motherless Mother to ever enjoy Mother's Day?

Or am I destined to feel this pain forever?

And when do I get to dictate what I get to do on Mother's Day? Why do I have to be the second/third/fourth mother in a line...

Will I always be this resentful?

I need to take joy in my daughter and learn from her.
I need to realize that this is now my life and I either need to embrace it or live semi-depressed forever.
I need to snap out of it.
I need a cup of black coffee and a shot of Southern Comfort.

I need my daughter's hugs and smile and maybe I even need to hold her hand for a while...That always makes me feel better.

I need to feel my mother's love through the love I feel for my daughter. Because that is the way I stay connected to her.

But this is all very difficult to do.

SAHM

I went to my old job yesterday to bring my 'remain in child care' status up to date.

I miss it.

I miss the kids. The colleagues. The principal (A big sweetheart). The Assistant Principal (One tough cookie)...The happy hours.

The Provider is quick to remind me that I always get like this when I visit there. I tend to get misty-eyed and remember only the good stuff and forget all about the bad things like the report cards, parent teacher conferences, up the butt PTA members, homework, tests, standardized tests, meetings that are useless...all that crap I complained about on a constant loop when I worked there. Top it all off, usually, everyone is grumpy, on edge, antsy, overworked and ready for the end of year by this point. (It's a NYC school don't forget)

But when I go there for a few hours, everyone is happy to see me, they are smiling, they want to hear about The Girl, are genuinely joyous over my visit. I feel sad when I leave.

The thing that resonated in my brain during this visit in particular. The question. "Are you coming back?" Constantly, from every person I walked passed.

My answer, "No, not this year."...

And the response....."So, you're still a stay-at-home-mom."

Yeah, I am. Wanna make somethin' of it?

What is with people?

Just because they work (and they know full well, I enjoyed my job) doesn't mean I'm sad being a "SAHM"...The way they ask is like I have the plague or something. Like I contracted some mysterious illness. Their blank stares and pity for my decision is frightening.

The reaction, is of course mixed for the most part. 50% of the people are genuinely happy and jealous of my decision to stay home with The Girl because you never get these years back. And 50% think I'm nuts/How do I do it ALL DAY LONG?!

I don't know either some days. I do miss my job and my place in the world shaping little minds. But this job now is by far the hardest job I have ever had in my entire life. I'm shaping a little mind that I created myself. How important is that job? Really.

So, as I think back this morning about how much fun my old job is...I look forward to my current job as The Girl's Mamma with joy and love. I love being a "SAHM" and I wouldn't change it for all the paychecks in the world...

(Sorry Provider)

Why must everything be so difficult?

I'm all over the place in my head this week. I almost feel manic in one second and depressed in another...I'm feeling underwhelmed then a shot of joy washes over me. I feel like I have energy to move mountains, then all I want to do is sleep. I cry over the silliest things, but giggle over even sillier things. I am guilty for not being the best mom/wife I can be but I still feel like I am honestly doing my best and can't do any better. Then, there's my maturing three year old.

I just want her to stop fighting me. That's all. Stop arguing every statement I make. Stop questioning my thought process. Stop. Just stop.

I am the MOTHER...You must listen to me because really, I do know best.

I know why you must not swing the cabinet doors back and forth.

I know why you must take a bath AT LEAST 3 times a week and wash/condition/brush your very long hair, and scrub behind your ears and clean your face and brush your teeth.

I know why you must not run into the street without "stop, look and listen"...and my hand.

I know why you must eat a balanced diet and not chocolate ice cream for every meal.

I know why you shouldn't have a treat every night before bed.

I know why you MUST put your poop and pee in the pot...eventually.

I know that butterflies will not gouge your eyeballs out as they flutter by, so don't be so a-scared.

I know that you need your night light at bedtime, you don't have to remind me every .4 seconds while we are schnuggling in bed.

I also know that you are testing your boundaries and trying out your newly found independence and bravado...

However,

I am the MOTHER....

You must trust ME.

You must know that I love you with all my heart and I would never let anything happen to you.
You must know that I would move heaven and earth to protect you in this world.
You must know that you are my heart and I could never see it break.
You must know that without you safe in my arms, my life is incomplete and I could never live without you.
You must know, that I want you to be independent too, in time. Not yesterday. It will happen.
You must know that I need you to slow down. It will all happen. I promise.
And I know you know that I love you forever. Out of all the little girls in the world I got the very best one!

It's all about the Mother this week....

My First Mother's Day

It wasn't when The Girl was five months old.

It was when I was two months pregnant. Barely a belly to be found and still in my regular clothes. But I was pregnant. I was a mother. I felt in in my core and I knew The Girl would be a healthy and wonderful baby.

It was the First Mother's Day that I thought about myself for once and not the loss of my own mother. It was an awakening.

I had a purpose. A reason for living. I would make the best of this day and look forward to all that motherhood had to offer. (Little did I know that motherhood also meant ppd for me)

I was ecstatic. I was growing a life and everyone now knew it. I was treated like royalty and I enjoyed every soothing second.

Looking back, I knew there was something special about The Girl. I just didn't know her yet. I felt she was meant to be and meant to be extraordinary. I was right on the money.

She has given me a joy and a reason for being beyond any words expressed. I am forever grateful that she has enabled me to have my own Mother's Day. As bittersweet as the day is to me...she makes it all worthwhile.

I'm a little retrospective these days...forgive me.

All or nothing...M.I.A

In case you were all calling 911 and search parties and such.

Don't.

I'm here.

The Dog ate my power chord to my laptop and I was unable to get online the ENTIRE WEEKEND until The Provider went back to work Monday to get the second power chord....

Talk about withdrawals. Holy Shit.

Shaking and sweating and going to check my e-mail/Bloglines and then realizing I COULDN'T...was not easy. And it's not all that good for the complexion either.

But, my Hero enabler came through for me and brought my fresh supply home to a convulsing mother. Thank the lord.

Now, I'm back on track.

On with the updates:
Amazing weekend. Lazy, relaxed. Fun.

Brought Girl to the TriBeCa Film Festival Street Fair on Saturday and had fun. She loves that city! She calls it "Big City" like Oswald does. She loves the Village, my girl!

Went to a park fair on Sunday where Girl once again immersed herself in bubbles like a wild woman. This kid loves bubbles. It's Like Kiddie Crack! Her and her mother seem to have some addictive personalities wouldn't you say???

This dog is amazing! And not in a good way. I know a few of you questioned what I did to provoke the shit stain in my debut YT video. The answer is Nada!

Just like his black and white, empty head...there's no Grey area.

It's all or nothing.

Either this...

Or this:

Someone please help me.

Why? Because I said so...

Everything is "Why?"

"Girl, don't swing the cabinet door!"
"Why?"

"Girl, We have to get ready to leave soon."
"Why?"

"Girl, I love when you color such beautiful pictures!"
"Why?"

"Girl, it's time to get ready for bed."
"Why?"

"Girl, Mommy's head is gonna explode if you ask "Why?" one more time!"
giggling..."Why?"

She's hit it.

The "Why?" stage.

It's here.

It was inevitable. However, I thought it would happen sooner.

She has always been curious about stuff. Always takes it ALL in. But now, she wants, no expects an explanation for every farking thing in creation.

I find it funny most of the time, like when I am sitting there trying hard to explain my thinking while she stares at me probably thinking...look at this poor struggling woman. But then there are other times when I want to just scream, "Because I said soooooooo!"

I've started dishing it back though...just for shits and giggles.

"Mommy, I think I need a snack."
"Why?"

"Mommy, I'm not tired."
"Why?"

"Mommy, why do you keep saying why?"
"Why?"

She gets pissed off. It's funny.

*******************************
One more Killers video, I promise.

Now, those of you who say you never heard this band...I know you know this song...

That's all...I won't torture you all again.

Before you go, can you read my mind?...

The front of the Garden...April 28, 2007

This show was amazing.

Remember when I told you that my BFF and I had something fun in the works? Well, my BFF and I went to The Killers concert Saturday night at Madison Square Garden.

You know, The Killers:


The band I can't stop listening to:


The band that totally rules my iPod these days:


That band!

K's dear husband J got us tickets...for Mother's Day! And I didn't even have his kid...But I had my own and according to him, that's what matters. Lurve him.

The crowd was fantastic and the show was too...

Cell phones...not the best resource...

Brandon Flowers is my newest crush. And oh, the way he dances!!! When he thanked the crowd for being there and allowing his band to play such a "magical" venue...I crushed on him harder.

I fought back tears during "Read My Mind"...because I started thinking of my BFF and the fact that she is moving to Texas soon. This was probably the last live show we'll go to for a long, long time. I am so sad about losing her again.

When we were in High School, her father moved her family to Alabama but we kept in touch while she was gone...(I have to dig up the letters.) Now, we just have to keep up the communication with this new adventure! But I know it will be hard with the girls growing up and all...Plus her daughter and my daughter love each other! I will miss them playing together and growing up together also.

Her and her husband are moving to Texas for a better life. I am so happy for them but so, so sad for me and Girl too. I am going to miss her, J, and their daughter Mouse terribly. K is my BFF and Mouse is Girl's BFF too. I don't know what we are going to do without them close to us.

We have truly been Best Friends Forever. We know each other since 4th grade. When I moved back to NY from New Jersey, I came to my first day of school in my purple-seamed Sergio Valente's with the Purple "V" on the back pockets. K was jealous of my jeans and I was so jealous of her hair. She always wore long ass, blonde pigtails and I wanted them badly. The sleepovers and playdates continue to today, with our very own daughters in tow.

We have been through boyfriends, girlfriends, rock bands, big hair, births, death, and happiness all within the 24 years we know each other. I hope K realizes how much I love her and will miss her. I hope Mouse doesn't forget us! I hope I get to visit her in her new home and I hope that she comes back to visit us too.

But I know that no matter what, near or far, K will 'read my mind' as always and know we will eternally be BFF's.

I love you K!