It's in the bag

So, I can't remember where I saw this...But there were a few blogs out there purging the contents of their purses/bags and I felt like I needed a good purge myself.

So here goes.

That's my bag baby.



It's what I use for a diaper bag/purse. I have 3-4 different bags that I switch through on a daily basis but they all stem from the contents of this one in particular!

These are Girl's supplies.

Pull ups (Don't remind me)/wipes/water bottle/snacks...we never leave home without these particular items for the Girl.

These are the Mom-supplies.

Sunglasses/eye drops/wallet/keys/phone/pens (notice nothing to write on)

Next in line of importance is the toys.
We have Littlest Pet Shop Pets on hand at all times/a stuffed, quacking duck/slinky/playing cards/coloring pad and crayons. You never know when you need distractions while you are in traffic or out to eat.

Then, you have Mom's toys.
The stuff that keeps HER sane.
The iPod, always updated and charged. Socks for gym class and meditation stones that help keep the positive vibes flowing. I need all the help I can get.

The wallet.
Which carries NO cash.
But lots of plastic.
And gift/shopping cards.
(I don't even go to Stop and Shop...since the aphid incident, and when was the last time I stepped foot in a Blockbuster???)

Must. Stay. Hydrated.
Gasp.

How do I find anything in this thing?


OH! Yeah...and....

There's a body-bag waitin' for this.

This photo was shot right after I discovered he ate the ENTIRE insides of a couch cushion...He always looks guilty when he's done something wrong. At least he has the decency to UNZIP the cusion before he chows down...oh, and the poop...not fun. Must be hard to squeeze out gigantic chunks of couch from your quarter sized butthole.

Night Terrors

Fafa is a pro at Night Terrors.

The funny thing is, the only one who is effected by them is yours truly.

They are the most horrific thing you could ever witness in the dark of the evening when all is quiet. But she is unaffected, when they are over.

F used to have them often as a baby. We would always know when they were going to happen because her days would be filled with an abundance of stimulation and she'd be overtired at bedtime. She'd be cranky and fall asleep hard. Then, she'd wake up screaming and inconsolable within 10-20 minutes of falling asleep. Sometimes they lasted five minutes, sometimes 2 hours. It was that bad.

She'd scream and cry and stiffen up and punch and scratch and not be able to recognize us. She'd be petrified of BD where he'd have to leave the room because she was that frightened of him. Her pupils would be dilated and she'd stare past me and scream out. Just scream. That blood curdling screetch that you just can.not.stop.

Then out of nowhere, they stopped. For a while, it was smooth sailing at night. Full nights of full, comfortable sleep. I thought we were past it.

Then, they came back. She had three in one week to be specific.

The last one made me cry. It lasted about 15 minutes. She was stiff, fighting, biting and screaming but she softened as soon as she woke up. Popped her thumb back into her mouth and rolled over with her lovey, like nothing ever happened. She even has the nerve to ask me what I'm doing in her bed afterwards. Gah.

I am pretty used to these by now. I know what they are when they happen and I know that she won't remember them when she wakes and I know she is safe because she is in her bed and I am restraining her. I know it is because she had a busy day...but what I don't know is why the intensity?

Why are these terrors so extreme? What could her little brain possibly be dreaming about when she is looking into my eyes (but not seeing me) and screaming "Mommy I need you!" at the top of her lungs? Why is she so scared? What is she processing during the day that she's not telling me that makes her so scared at night? It is frightening. For me.

It's to the point now that she's bigger and it is more difficult to hold her down too. She punches and kicks and bites and scratches herself and I don't understand. Why the anger? Why the violence? What is making her dream this way?

She still can't remember the incident once she snaps to. But I do. It scars me. Deep in my soul. My daughter is that intense and it scares me. She's only three.

AntiPamper Superstar

I am changing F's Pediatrician.
He's a dick.

I decided.

I can't continue to let him make me feel stupid for being 'overly' concerned about the ONLY thing that is important to me. And I can't let him continue to make me feel incompetent because my 3 year 3 month old is still in a Pamper. Fuck that.

I call to talk to him or make an appointment and his secretary is rude and obnoxious. To the point that I feel like I am bothering her. Oh! I'm sorry, did I bother you...at your job? (I am even having BD call to request her records be transferred...he will beat that grump at her own sarcasm and rudeness game by a mile...)

I get to see this doctor and he's so sarcastic (and I'm a HUuuuuuGe fan of sarcasm..see hubs) that I feel belittled. I'm all for sarcasm in the right place, but don't use it on a first time mom about her only child. It's just plain wrong. No matter how strong willed or competent that mom may seem. It's a thin veil and you're tearing it up. Dick.

If there are any doctors out there, especially children's doctors...Just remember that your patients, or their mothers are in a very delicate state when they are with you. They are probably insecure and worried. You really should think before you say something rude. And use kid gloves. (Pardon the play on words) They come in all different sizes. I'm sure you can find them to fit you.

So, that's it then. I'm changing her pediatrician.

I already called my daughter's original gastroenterologist from when she was a baby and we have an appointment at the end of this month. One down.

In my quest to find her a new doctor, I have asked around and her preschool teacher recommended hers. Right in our neighborhood. She says he is one that will welcome each and every seemingly silly query with respect and humor. He is one that will welcome me into his office with caring and honesty. He is not one that will make fun or be sarcastic to the point I'm doubting myself. Almost one to go.

Take that Anti-Pamper Superstar. You just lost your best parent.

God send the only true friend I call mine...

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

According to theknot I have been married to BD for...

2,021 Days!

He claims I never blog about him...But he's wrong. There's this special post today (Valentine's Day) ...there's more but I'm focusing on today...

There have been a few posts going around out there about how you met your 'significant other'. I met my husband in a bar. Drunk. The two of us. I was dating someone else and wasn't interested in him. Period.

How I fell in love with him was a whole 'nother story.

After a few botched up phone calls, we wound up dating.

On our first date, I knew I was going to marry him. I just knew. He was cute, sarcastically funny (he drove a gigantic Lincoln Town Car and asked me if I wanted to sit in the back like he was my town car driver) and the color of his eyes just blew me away (they still do, they are the most amazing layered blue.green.brown I have ever seen)...

He took me to the wrong restaurant where he thought he made a reservation, but didn't (there were two restaurants with the same name..opposite sides if the city)... and I also thought his last name was "Prada"...I was wrong. Very, very wrong. But that's not why I wanted to marry him...He was not my type at all and he had a job. What a novel idea! Before him, my Dad called most of my boyfriends "Oil Rags"...BD was different. I knew I'd marry him someday.

Later on during our first date, I found out the final game of the 1996 Yankees World Series was going on and he gave up watching the game with his friends to take me out. (He's the biggest Yankee fan ever!) If you only knew the dilemma he was facing prior to our date! It was a war in his mind for days but I was none the wiser. During dinner, he was disappearing to the bathroom every few hours to check the score and finally he fessed up and we went to a bar to watch the end of the game...They won. I prayed he wouldn't kiss me. We just hugged. Relief. He knew what I wanted and what I didn't want even before I knew it myself.

A few months later, he took me out for what became our first annual "Valentine's/Birthday Evening". It was a beautiful night. A little chilly, rainy and foggy...but that didn't bother me. I was looking forward to my surprise dinner. I had no clue where we were going and I was excited. He loves to eat and drink good wine so I knew it had to be great. Turned out to be the River Cafe. It's in Brooklyn and I have never been there...too fancy for my blood.

I was impressed and excited. He was disappointed. I couldn't understand why. It was foggy and he was mad. It didn't dawn on me until we sat down. Next to each other, against the wall... with the full view of the Brooklyn Bridge spread out in front of us along the wall of windows...Except the Brooklyn Bridge was immersed in a blanket of fog and was hidden from view. It was like we were sitting next to each other on the railroad, not at a fancy-schmancy restaurant trying to see the gorgeous view.

He was horrified. What was the point if you couldn't see the main attraction? The bridge?

I didn't mind. I ate like a pig, drank fabulous wine and had the best conversation ever. I fell in love that night.

He tried so hard and it didn't work out and he was so disappointed. I felt so bad for him. He was so upset. He cared so much about making me happy and I wasn't very used to that kind of treatment. He wound up getting me their famous Brooklyn Bridge Chocolate dessert instead to make up for the lack of view.

The key to my heart.
An attempt at romance using chocolate.
Sold!

I knew in my heart he had snagged it for good and I was head over heels in love. That was a wonderful night and it was the night I knew he was mine forever.

Eleven years later. We're still here. Going strong. Some ups, some downs. Some joyous times. Some uneasy moments...but all the while the love is there. In my heart. Forever.

He makes me laugh when I am not in the mood. He cares so deeply for his 'girls' and he would do anything to make us happy. What more can you ask for? And those eyes. I can see "Home" in those deep blue/green eyes.

If I were stranded on a desert island...

RWA did a post about his favorite songs. I am trying to do one too. It is harder than I thought.

I love music, all kinds from rock to rap to classical. It is very difficult to just gather a few snippets especially when you like catalogs and catalogs of songs from all different bands. There are a few bands that are missing from my list, but I can't just pick one song from their library...So, in order to keep it short(er) and sweet(er)...here are the one's that stand out in my head when I think of "favorites".

Blood Pumpin' Tunes:

Bring the Noise Public Enemy, especially the one with Anthrax
I love the beginning: 'Bass, how low can you go?...'

Kinda I Want To Nine Inch Nails
Really anything from NIN but this one is attached to some great memories.

In Your Eyes Icon
To this day, I get goosebumps. The way Jerry Harrison sings "I think about the things that I've done wrong.." Chills I tell ya.

Angel With the Scabbed Wings Marilyn Manson
Gets my blood pumpin'. I love the drums in this one.

Symphony of Destruction Megadeth
This song always gets me going. I love the heaviness of the guitars.

Speak Queensryche
Anything from this band too..but this is the song that turned me on to them.

Mellow Tunes:

Across the Universe The Beatles.
There are too many to just pick one, but this one always gives me chills.

Grace U2 'It's the name for a girl, and it's also a thought that can change the world.'
C'mon, can't get better than that.

Fix You Coldplay
Who doesn't want to be fixed?

I Can't Make You Love Me Bonnie Raitt
I have always loved this song...I guess it's that unrequited love theme that gets me.

Lights Journey
This song captivated me and got me to learn all I could about the 'city by the bay'. Then I went to San Fran and fell deeper in love...

This is Shangrila Mother Love Bone
I am so in love with Andrew Wood. What a young life wasted. And it also brought about Temple of the Dog and Soundgarden..Two more of my faves too.

How Soon is Now The Smiths
Mesmerizing. Always love it. Then, I married a Smiths Freak!

Take it Back Pink Floyd
Just one of the many Floyd songs I love...this one brings me good memories.

Flowers in the Window Travis
Always makes me smile...

Catch the Moon Elizabeth Mitchell
Fa's favorite so of course, I cry whenever I hear it.

Too many to pick just one:

In Your Room Depeche Mode
Another band I totally love. You really can't eat just one.

The End The Doors
Love the speaking parts..."Mother, I want to..."

Rocket Queen Guns and Roses
Love the chorus of this song, always have.

Alone Lisa Loeb
A good mix of easy listenin' and Rockin' and Rollin'. Love her.

Addicted to That Rush Mr. Big
My all time favorite band...So name it, I love it. This is a nice taste of their style.

As Far as the Eye Can See TNT
Another all time Favorite...But I love When Tony Harnell sings "If your eyes could see what you mean to me..."

So, that's pretty much it in the smallest nutshell I could find.

What about you?
What songs would you totally need if you were stranded on a desert island?

A-Z of me + A New Tradition

Today's December 1st! I am starting a new tradition with my daughter. (yay me) I bought her an Advent calendar from Starbucks, (of course) to count down the days 'til Christmas and give us both something to look forward to. (I realize I am not teaching her the exact idea behind 'Advent' but I am doing what feels right for me...I am introducing the concept which we can research, or not, when she gets older and decides for herself)...I am very excited for her to see this calendar. I remember when I was a kid, my mom did the same thing with me. My Aunt would buy the calendar every year, and Mom and I would open it every night, piece by piece, day by day...I looked so forward to that little piece of chocolate! I begged to open it days sooner and she always told me, "Go ahead, but when you are done and there's no more chocolate to open...that's your problem." Ha! Whatta woman. Lay it all out there. So I am starting my first tradition with my girl. I am very proud of myself.

Also,
...I've been doing a lot of these lately...I'll just do them, they make me smile...if you read it and comment I love you for it, if you don't, that's okay too...

Thanks Mel...See, I told you I'd get to it...

A-Z of Me !!!

A - Available/Single? Married for 5 years!
B - Best Friend? SF, BD, K, G
C- Cake or Pie? Cake, chocolate, rich, creamy...yum.
D - Drink Of Choice? Coffee...injected into an IV if at all possible.
E- Essential item you use every day. The telephone. 
F - Favorite Color? Purple, or as we say 'round these parts...'poi-ple'.
G - Gummy Bears Or Worms? Yuck, neither.
H - Hometown? (born in ) Queens, NY
I - Indulgence? French Fries, Pizza, Chocolate, Sushi
J - January Or February? February...It's my Birthday!
K - Kids Their Names? 1, Farfallina
L - Life Is Incomplete Without? Hugs
M - Marriage Date? August Third
N- Number Of Siblings? 1 kinda, sorta brother...Hummm...I smell a post coming on...
O - Oranges Or Apples? Apples, with peanut butter
P - Phobias/Fears? Jesus...I'd be here all friggin' day. I'll just say yes.
Q - Favorite Quote? "Sometimes you have to jump, and build your wings on the way down"
R - Reason to Smile -My daughter
S - Season? Spring
T - Tag Four People? Now, I just won't do it...If you want to try this, go ahead.
U - Unknown Fact About Me? With this blog, there is none...Um, I love to sleep.
V - Vegetable you dont like? None...
W - Worst Habit? Complaining too much.
X - X-rays You've Had Recently.. My teeth...no cavities thank you very much.
Y - Your Favorite Food? Mexican, Japanese
Z - Zodiac Sign? Pisces...I don't smell like fish.

Potty This!

I can't take it. I must be the world's biggest Dummy.

She's just not ready yet. According to the book above anyway.

She'll be three in less than a month, but she's just not ready. I am reading now that her physical development is just not mature enough. She can't won't get on and off the pot, she can't won't undress/dress herself...she holds it in for hours in her panties...but will NOT sit on the pot when she hasta go... Which means her emotional development is also not ready. I am getting frustrated.

Yesterday morning, deep into late afternoon, she held it all in the entire time she was in her panties. I put her in her pull ups for a nap at around 1:30 PM and not a second later...the dang pull up needed to be changed. What the? She's too smart for our own good, I think.

She knows when she hasta go. She wore panties all weekend...Until we had to go out or nap. She held off until the pull ups came out. It was a waiting game. I waited for her to have an accident or actually go in the pot when I put her there...and she waited (patiently) for the pull up to surface.

Ugh. Double Ugh...Triple ugh.

So I get this e-mail this week

I am a member of Parent Center online. It is a very helpful resource for first time and experienced parents. I love getting updates on Fa's milestones and goals for her age group. This e-mail gave me douche-chills though...

No sillies, not the nap part...I can deal with 'quiet time' in her room, just as long as I get a break too...

Did you catch paragraph three??? Here, I'll paste it here for you so you can really get a good look:
"Being interested in the differences between girls and boys is a normal part of growing up. Try not to react with shock or horror if you find your child in the midst of an anatomy check with another child. Just let both children know that penises and vaginas are kept private and steer them toward another activity. They'll probably be relieved, since they may already have some sense that the game they were playing is taboo."

What the? It starts this early?! For Christ's sake. I can't deal with that. Now, I know if you've read this post...you know I am all for being honest and real when it comes to 'life lessons'. But three? Holy Canoli people. I don't think I'm quite ready for honesty that early...I need a drink.
__________________________________________
Also, she still refuses to pee or poop on the potty. I am trying all sorts of negotiation tools. Cookies, m&m's, Littlest Pet Shop Pets, Rubber Gloves...(Yes, rubber gloves the kid likes to pretend to be a doctor, ugh...see above) Nothing. Jeez this kid has a stiff constitution. She will be the girl who walks down the aisle in a Depends.

e-mail From Gerber

I am shit out of luck from Gerber...This is the e-mail I received today.

Laundress,

Thank you for your e-mail and telephone call.

We have checked with our warehouse but there were no pink gingham diaper style burp cloths left in stock. We are sorry to disappoint you.

We are taking this opportunity to send you some coupons which we hope you will find useful and will help offset your disappointment.

Best wishes from your friends @ gerber.com.
________________________________________
Good thing for K and her Southern Belle Sista.

By the way...there were no coupons attached to the e-mail. Boo, Hiss...

Where's all the burp cloths?~Part Deux

Thank you all so much for your concern and care regarding my daughter's lovey. I wanna hug you all and have you over for chocolate chip cookies.

I am waiting to win this precious bid. I found out that the person bidding against me is someone I kinda know. That's what I get for putting feelers out to people 'I think' I know. I'll leave it at that. You can make up your own stories in your head about how I feel about that. Your ideas aren't half as great as the real way that I feel. I haven't acknowledged it yet, for fear that this person might be slightly mental? It's just a very weird scene. I am totally weirded out here. I'll just say, what mother out there that's a quarter normal would try to take away another child's comfort? Knowing full well how important it is...

I also came in contact with another woman who actually makes them. (I won't even say where I found her for fear that I might be sabotaged again.) She has four pink gingham burps that I told her I want...desperately. I am waiting for her reply. Then, in desperation and on the verge of shaking, I e-mailed Gerber and asked them if there was any way they could supply me with the actual frickin' burp cloth that is from their company. I am waiting for their reply too.

So, that is where I am at this moment in time. I appreciate all of your support. Thank you for showing me that I am not a freak and thank you for helping me see that this is an important object in my daughter's life that as her mother, I should fight for. I will get her these burps, if it is that last thing I ever do. Moms all over the world understand me.

Except maybe for one.

I curse therefore, I am.

So what?

But, Kate got me ta thinkin'. She is trying very hard to curb her colorful language and I think that's a great idea. For her. I see her points about cursing in front of the kids and I wish her all the luck in the world. I admire her for admitting she has to try to stop. I know it will be difficult because I have a mouth like a drunken, pirate hooker. I do. Big D thinks I do it to get a rise out of him. I really don't.

Some say it's a lack of vocabulary skills, I disagree. I have a fantastic vocabulary and I am a phenomenal speller (not typer).

Others would argue that foul language is a bad example for children. I can agree, somewhat. I mean I didn't curse at or in front of my past students and I try hard to curb my expletives in front of other people's kids. I slip up occasionally, but not usually. But, it's not my job to teach other kids how to curse...let their parents do it.

When I'm home or comfortable or just being 'me'. I swear, I curse, I use foul language. I do.

Fa hears it. I feel a tad bit bad for it, for a split-second. She is young and impressionable and hears Every-Thing! She repeats things. Then, we giggle. We igonore it. We say that Mommy says bad things and she shouldn't. But it's me, and I can't help it. And it really is funny to hear her say "R crapped in his crate again." or "We hafta throw my shit in the toilet."

When I am in public, she sometimes asks if she could "touch my bosoms" because we always say "Don't touch Ma' Bosoms!" when we are joking around. We laugh. I "bite her arse" and play "babbaloo on her bum". She breaks out in hysterics. We use 'funny' language as a tension release when she is tantrumming and I say; "Aw, cut the crap!" She cracks up.

When I'm mad I say, "oh shit" or "fuck!" or "Damnit to all that is hell" or even "Your mother's balls". When I am happy I say; "hell yeah" or "Hot damn" or "Wholly fuck" I have even been known to say; "Shit on my rake and call me Uncle" or "Slap my monkey and call him Shitburger" or my all time favorite "Balls"... We pee ourselves with hysterics. When someone cuts me off on the road, I call him an asshole or a prick. I may even give him the finger. Well, what else should I say? "Oh, snufflepuffs, you cut me off dear lad...I'm so sorry sir, was I in your way? I promise not to ever be in your lane ever again." (fucking shit head) That pisses me off. Oh wait, I'm sorry, That really burns my britches. Is that better? It may sound better to your average prude but I don't talk that way, and Fa will know the difference.

Cursing is so benign in the grand scheme of things. There are other worse things I could be doing. Crack comes to mind. Cursing lets us laugh and be silly. It helps to get out emotions. It lets each other know we mean business.

Admit it, home is where we can be ourselves. Fa has to learn that there is a time and a place for everything. This goes for kissing, hugging, arguing, cursing and even farting...another joy in life. She has to know that she can't call her teacher a fuckface just because she is one. Face it. When someone says "fuck you, fucker" it stings. Words hurt, curse words too. So she needs to be taught the acceptable platforms that allow you use such language. She needs to learn when and where to use these colorful words.

We learn to be polite, to hold back, to speak our minds. We learn not to pick our noses, we learn not to eat with our hands. We also should learn curse etiquette. I curse at home. I also use other ways to express joy, anger and sorrow. But cursing just feels good. I curb my tongue out of the house only because others have this mentality that 'cursing is bad' or 'cursing is evil' and I am raising the 'froo-its of evil' by cursing in front of her. C'mon. I learned when to curse (from my mother), so will she. My mother also taught me about "the birds an the bees" with a very cut and dry demeanor. That's for another post. Stay tuned.

Fa's only going to be 3 but she hasta learn some time. Should I wait until she's in school and some shitty kid is cursing at her and totally freaking her out? No, I'll arm her with some witty comebacks, good vocabulary and a little colorful language to spark things up and if any little prick decides to be mean, she'll put them right in their place. It will take trial and error. I'll probably get some phone calls from school. Then I'll meet with with principal and tell her that we do have alternative ways to express ourselves and Fa and I will work on them. And on my way out of the office I'll call her a douchebag under my breath. I truly believe that cursing is a way of life. My life especially. And if Fa decides she hates foul language, than more power to her.

We should embrace colorful words and let cursing be. The more we try to hide it, the more taboo it becomes and then Fa will really be looking for ways to use it. Now, I'm not going to be able to keep her away from all things taboo. I know that. And I surely wouldn't give her drugs or teach her how to inhale to show her the dangers of drug addiction. But, I will have to teach her about healthy choices and making smart decisions. Is cursing such a bad decision?

Oh, Fuck it!

"Taming the Beast" by Emily Maguire

I just finished reading it a few days ago. I'm not much for writing book reviews but I somehow feel compelled.

This novel is about a young girl who gets into irresponsible situations with men because her High School English teacher destroyed her innocence. He basically took advantage of her as a child by using literature as his weapon to seduce her. Then, he left her. While he was gone, she went into this "finding what she lost phase" with all of these different derelicts. Eight years later, the shithead teacher comes back to her, with new insight to his mental state. He quickly begins pulling her down into this torrent of sexual delinquency.

Throughout the entire book, you root for this damaged soul to escape from the life of sexual cruelty posed against her. She tries to escape, but just doesn't make it. What a disappointment. The ending of the book was such a let down that I almost cried. Not because she didn't make it out of that life, but because I don't know if she ever makes it out of there. I guess Ms. Maguire is either a fantastic writer or just missing something. I still can't figure it out. I wanted this female protagonist to emerge from her circumstance successful. I just don't know what happens to her. It just kind of ends right in the middle of her turmoil. Did I miss something? Am I supposed to create and alternate ending? Will there be a part two? I'm not sure.

The writing in this novel is rich and descriptive, almost to a fault. I mean, I really didn't need all that sexual detail...A little left to the imagination would be nice. True, I'm all for 'dirty books' and all and sexual content can be a treat. I am no prude, that's for sure. However, it was quite disturbing at most junctures in the book. The things she endured, Christ. It was unreal.

All in all it was a page turner. Which is why I was so disappointed in the end. I am sure however, that I will reach for another Emily Maguire book when I see it on the shelves. I am a sucker for a page turner. And I will continually hope that her other books have complete endings.

Interested?

Nap times...few and far between!

What is happening here?

Since the big girl bed..which we all happen to adore by the way! Naps are harder to come by. Fa came across this new found freedom that she never new she had, up until just recently. I put her in her bed for a nap and then I leave her room. I peek through her key hole (this OLD house has those old-fashioned keys and keyholes) and she pops right out of bed to commence playing. It's truly hysterical. She lays in bed all nice and snugly and as soon as I click the door closed...she's off..How does she know to sneak like that? I didn't teach her that. Do girls just have this automatic gene that sneaks them out of bed without the parents looking? I'm in for it when she's a teenager, huh?

Well, when Fa doesn't nap she's "Godzilly". (that's what we used to call her when she was learning how to walk) She stomps and screams, whines and cries and spits fire throughout the house...Alright maybe not the fire thing, but you get the point. And when she naps, she goes down so late because she was too busy playing alone, in her room without Mom hovering overhead. I'm sure she loves that. But then, I have to wake her from her nap and soon after, get her ready for bath and bed. It's terrible. She's pissed if she naps and I have to wake her and she's pissed if she doesn't nap.

But hot Jesus in a snow suit, do I need a break. I need just an hour. Even day laborers get a lunch break, yes? I'm not complaining. Just trying to work out a system where we all benefit here.

So, I have been allowing her her 'quiet time' in her room. To play, read, relax, catch some z's. Whatever. It seems to work but she still has some issues at bed time. Can we all say 'Pissy Pants'?

How did you deal with losing the nap, when the time came? And then, how do you deal with the bedtime stall later at night?

Share the Love...blog style

Ms. Chicky-Chicky had this brilliant idea ( of course) that we should "spread the love" around this blogsphere...I agree! After all, I began blogging because there were a couple of fantastic blogs out there that motivated me to start my own. I have so many blogs in my blogroll that I read on a daily basis, and I add more every time someone recommends a new one. I truly don't know where to begin. And, there are a handful of blogs that I long to read...I check my bloglines regularly for these 'stars' and I go through serious withdrawals when they don't refresh fast enough...

However, I was instructed to be judicious in my selection!

On that note, the Blog I love, luv, luurrve, heart, seriously can't live without:

Mel: My very first Blogging friend! (And, she always leaves me warm, fuzzy comments too.) The way she loves her son and her husband is heartwarming. I just adore her blogging persona. She is sweet, caring, friendly and has the best family ever. They party like nobody's business! I love chatting with her and I love sharing advice with her. She truly has become a 'friend' from this thing we call the internet. I can't wait to meet her one day. Go say 'hi' to Mel and tell her I sent you. You rock Mel. Kiss that baby for me!

I'm so sorry that I couldn't include my entire Blogroll. (Most of you know I love you because I stalk you regularly! And I just started reading some of you and don't know enough about you yet.) I wish I could send you each a hug and tell you that I look forward to reading you every day.

Hell, I wish we could all have a slumber party and drink margaritas and tequila shots and play 'truth or dare'...that would be so much fun.

Ms. Chicky, this was a great idea.

Pssst...Over here!

I have a secret. Can you guess what it is?
I'll tell ya....

I'm not perfect.


I know, you can't believe it, right...Well, my friends...Believe it.
Sometimes I sit here and wonder how others haven't figured me out yet.

~I watch too much television. I could literally veg out in front of the tube for hours without flinching. I think it's a sickness...
~I sing out loud even though I can't. I think I sound like a rock star but it sounds so different in your ears than in reality...
~I'm a 'helicopter mom'. I am always hovering over Fa. I am afraid she's gonna eventually get sick of me. I see it in her face already, she looks at me like..."Moooooom! c'mon, I can do it myself." But, I'm afraid to let her go. She's my heart and I try to protect her from, let's see...everything.
~I should be spending more time with my husband. We haven't spent a whole lotta time together. I miss him. I hope he misses me too.
~I'm insecure. About, uhm, everything.
~I'm afraid of a whole crapload of different things. I can't even get started about that.
~I sleep too much. I love to sleep. I wish I could sleep more than I have been. I miss sleeping for hours at a time even in the middle of the day. I guess this makes me lazy.
~I haven't used my mind in such a long time and I'm getting nervous that I'll lose my mind if I don't use it. I miss reading for a purpose. I hated schoolwork but it gave me a feeling of accomplishment when I completed a project and got a good grade...

But I think it's time for being positive today:
~I have this daughter who adores me.
~I have this husband who (I think) does the same.
~The dog hasn't pooped or peed in his crate for 8 days straight.
~I can sit in front of the T.V. to watch my favorite shows and those fantastic reality shows, I'm a grown up, I can do what I want!
~If you don't like my singing...too bad. My daughter loves it!
~I am smart enough to realize that I have insecurities and imperfections and I work hard to change them or deal with them.
~All this thinking, is leading me to better things.
~I'm feeling pretty good about myself since detox and going to the gym regularly...BD noticed I lost weight!!!
~I get to be home with my little girl to help her grow up and watch her bloom into this precious 'flower'.
~Fa is loving "Mommy & Me"!!! She has a blast every class, she paints, plays, discovers new things like riding a tricycle by herself...She frickin' cries when it's time to leave. She says, "No, don't sing the 'goodbye song', sing the 'hello song'!!" and "I wanna stay here, can we please stay and play more?" I am ecstatic!
~I am liking "Mommy & Me" too...I adore spending the time with her in school and watching her have fun and not ALL the moms are arseholes.

How lucky am I?

10 Weird things...

I was Memmed! By this crazy, thumb-bending woman!~

I have way more than 10 weird things about me, but I'll try to condense my oddities to 10...

Here goes:

1. I'm afraid of the dark. Deathly afraid. I see things in my mind that are not normal when I am in the dark!

2. I love Noggin. It inspires me to be a better mother. Truly. It gives me fun ideas and makes me laugh. A happy Mom is a great Mom.

3. I love the smell of my daughter's feet. Especially after a long, hard day of playing in her sneakers.

4. I once broke all 10 of my toes doing a back handspring.

5. I am obsessed with feet. I always notice a person's feet. Not in a good way...It's not a fetish. They skeeve me out. Especially dirty feet or men's feet. I once broke up with a boy in High School because he took his sneakers off and he had no socks on. I was so grossed out, I broke up with his skanky feet that night. Flip Flops are a disgusting shoe and they should be banished from this earth. I hate my feet too. (I can imagine the Google searches from this one!)

6. I'm not the greatest "Domestic Engineer" out there. I'm a stay-at-home mom but I don't cook, I hate to clean and I don't do much else domestically. I just hang with my daughter and try to give her the best experiences I can...The house isn't my first priority. (BD is a great cook though!!!)

7. I sweat like a man. It's no secret in this house. I hafta use men's deodorant to stop the smell and wetness. Cute right?

8. I think I'm fat. People tell me it's not true, but I have always had a sort of "body image" issue. After Fa was born it came back, it effects me every day.

9. I hate playgroups. It makes me feel like I'm in High School all over again. I hated High School.

10. I never graduated High School. I got my G.E.D. after my mom passed away. (I was a grieving mess at 17.) However, I went back to school and got my Master's Degree in Education so I could teach children how important school actually is. I am very proud of that accomplishment and I plan to go for my PhD. in reading one of these days.

What's in my iPod? (M-W) (Nope, no X-Y-Z)

I hope you enjoyed my list of tunes. (and all the farking links) I'm sure you are barfing at some of them and laughing at more...but that's my musical taste and I'm stickin' to it...Seems all of the comments were quite positive with regards to the tunes here...I'm glad! And finally (thanks for sticking around):

Marilyn Manson: Antichrist Superstar
Matthew Sweet: Girlfriend
Meatloaf: Bat Out Of Hell
Megadeth: Countdown to Extinction
Monster Ballads
Mother Love Bone: Mother Love Bone
Mr. Big: Mr. Big, Bump Ahead, Lean Into It
Nelson: After the Rain
Nine Inch Nails: Broken, Pretty Hate Machine, Downward Spiral
Pink Floyd: Division Bell
Poison: Open Up & Say Ahh, Flesh & Blood
Prince: Purple Rain, Parade, Sign O' the Times
Prong: Cleansing
Queensryche: Operation Mindcrime, Promised Land, Greatest Hits
Quireboys: A Bit of What You Fancy
Ratt: Dancin' Undercover
REO Speedwagon: Hits
Rod Stewart: Vagabond Heart
Skid Row: Skid Row, Slave to the Grind
Slaughter: Stick it to Ya
Steve Vai: Passion & Warfare
Stryper: To Hell With the Devil
Temple of the Dog: Temple of the Dog
Tesla: Psychotic Supper
TNT: Tell No Tales, Intuition, Transistor
Tool: Undertow
Travis: The Man Who
Tyketto: Don't Come Easy
U2: The Best Of
Warrant: Dirty Rotten Filthy Stinkin' Rich, Cherry Pie
White Lion: Pride
Whitesnake: Whitesnake

What's in my iPod? (E-L)

Today's addition. Don't worry, only one more day of this...

Elizabeth Mitchell & Lisa Loeb: Catch the Moon
Extreme: Pornograffitti
Faster Pussycat: Faster Pussycat, Wake me When its Over
Filter: Short Bus, Title of Record
Firehouse: Firehouse
Fishbone: Truth & Soul
Garden State Soundtrack
Garbage: Garbage
George Michael: Listen Without Prejudice
Godsmack: Godsmack
Gravity Kills: Gravity Kills
Guns 'N Roses: Appetite for Destruction
Icon: Right Between the Eyes
Jack Johnson: Sing-Alongs Songs & Lullabies for the film Curious George
Janet Jackson: Janet
Jewel: Pieces of You, Spirit
Lisa Loeb & Nine Stories: Tails

What's in my iPod? (A-D)

So, Izzy is making a list of what's in her iPod and I said I'd do the same...I am posting this list in three sections (you'll get the rest Thursday and Friday) I can't handle all the posting/reading/linking in one day...And this isn't the way I wanted to do this list but I am a spaz and I couldn't figure out how to just post the album covers. iTunes alphabetized the list too.

Keep in mind, I own the Nano, not the gigunda-memory iPod that holds like a bajillion songs. My iPod holds something like 1,000 songs. I am very jealous by the way, that the new Nano is out and it has like, more space than I own CD's...There's gotta be a way to upgrade your out-of-coolness Nano for the new one. Right?

I don't want any snickering about the choices I have 'so carefully' made. Remember, I had to be judicious in the selection process, space is limited and I am almost out of space in the thing. I hope you enjoy this, here goes:

Alanis Morissette: Jagged Little Pill
Tori Amos: Little Earthquakes, Cornflake Girl
Bad English: Bad English
Black Crowes: Shake Your Money Maker, By Your side
Bon Jovi: Bon Jovi, Slippery When Wet, New Jersey
Candlebox: Candlebox
Cinderella: Long Cold Winter
ColdPlay: A Ruch of Blood to the Head, Parachutes, X&Y
Counting Crows: August & Everything After
The Cure: Wish
Cyprus Hill: Black Sunday
Damn Yankees: Damn Yankees
David Gray: White Ladder
Def Leppard: Pyromania
Depeche Mode: Singles '86-'98, Black Celebration, Songs of Faith & Devotion, Violator, Ultra, Playing the Angel
Dido: No Angel

545 (Five for Five) and a few rants

Ok, Melanie...Here is my "Five For Five". This was fun but hard to come up with.

Five Minutes to yourself. How would you spend them ideally?
1. read more than one chapter in a book
2. sleep
3. lie on the beach
4. drink a Margarita
5. sleep
Five Dollars to spend right now. How or where would you spend it?
1. Littlest Pet Shop toys for Fa
2. Starbucks
3. CVS
4. Target
5. Children's Place
Five items in your house you could part with right now?
1. the dog
2. the dog
3. the dogs poop
4. all the remote controls
5. the dog
Five items in your house you absolutely, positively could never part with? (Family excluded)
1. the bed
2. my laptop
3. Fa's burpies
4. my Uggs
5. my camera
Words you love?
1. Fa
2. la la
3. carchookie chicken
4. bean dip
5. doodie bomber

5 people I will tag...
the first 5 people that read this...ha ha...you're it.

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Then yesterday, we had gym class. Fa was in a little bit of a self-proclaimed 'grouchy mood' so things weren't going as smoothly as usual. She was whiny and uncooperative the entire class. (She never participates with the group but this time was b-a-d!) Finally, Ms. Laura brings out Fa's highlight: balls and bubbles. She played with the balls happily and ran to catch herself some cool bubbles. All of a sudden I see her sitting on the floor crying. I thought it was just a fit again, but the teacher told me that she was knocked down. By a little animal. The teacher didn't use that description, I did.

This kid. Whatta brat. She is always cutting the other kids in line, pushing them out of the way, yelling at them when they ignore her, hitting others and running around like a lunatic. Her nanny is usually talking on the phone and always ignoring her. Now, I understand dear reader, the kid is starving for attention...negative attention is better than no attention at all. But why is she allowed to run ragged when the others have to behave? I was so pissed that she clocked Fa that I kept telling Fa the next time she does that to her she should push her right back. I know, I know, bad example but shit man, should't Fa be able to stick up for herself in extreme situations?

I'm not gonna be the one to teach this thing to behave in a 45 minute class, the teacher can't, so the next best thing is to teach Fa some self-defense. Before you get mad at me, I also told Fa to just stay away from the little animal and tell me if she bothers her again. Damn it. Fa has a red mark on her cheek now to top it off. What the?

So that was our day at the gym. Why do the little brats get away with murder and the good ones get beat up?

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Fa's new song:
(Sung to the tune of Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel)

RT RT RT... you're such a little twerp.
RT RT RT...I'll put you in the dirt.

Gee, where did she get that song from?

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Guess who I saw in two consecutive days out and around the town? Flash Card Bitch. That's right! And her "angel" was with her and they both had pusses on their faces. Pissy pants. I can't wait to get into it with her. That'll make for great bloggin'!

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Had lunch here yesterday too. It was Yummy. I ate vegan split pea soup and the tricolore salad pizza. It was wonderful. The crust is thin and has cheese melted into it like a second skin...I luurrved every tasty morsel.

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Blogger sucks. It took me 3 hours to get this post up here.