Ah...To be 29 again...Perchance to dream...

So, I think I could get away with telling people I'm really 29. Forever. Ya think? I think I could fake it. I do.

Had a great day. I love my family. All of them. Great gifts, great food. Happy day.

Too bad I left the house without my pants today. No really, I left my pants in the drier while I went out...You sickos...I had my Jammies on...just not the pants I would have liked to be seen in public in. I had a 'senior moment'! You see, the dog puked on my back. And I didn't know it. But then I felt the slime dripping...ugh. I know. I know. What was the dog doing on my back? He sits there...while I blog. Then he puked. And left. And didn't tell me. Until it was too late.

Thank you everyone for such wonderful well wishes...I can't believe how many of you took the time to celebrate with me...

Right now, I'm watching The Young and Restless on my brand spankin' new DVR...at 10:15 pm....I am forwarding through the commercials and boring parts...I am in heaven. Ah, Birthdays.

Dinner and a Mo.......zzzzzz.

My darling husband took me out to dinner last night for my birthday. Yes folks...I will officially be an old hag on Tuesday. Send all sparkly gifts to the address listed in my 'loony bin' roster...(This is the week to celebrate my birthday..I always take a week. I start the Saturday before and end the Saturday after...Since forever...Wheee...)

Ahem, back to last night. We went to an amazing, top-notch restaurant here in the neighborhood. He had crab cakes to start and wild striped bass for dinner. I stuffed myself with mushroom barley soup and Ahi tuna. We drank champagne to start off and a beautiful Red Burgundy during dinner... The plan was to do something after dinner. We were going to park our car at home and walk into town to have some drinks at another local restaurant.

I never made it.

I was so stuffed and a little tipsy that when we came home, I immediately ran upstairs to put my jammies on and veg on the couch. My In-laws were ready for a late night of babysitting and when I walked in the door, my Mother-I-Law yelled at me for not wanting to go out...Who has a babysitter that begs you to stay out as long as you like??? I do.

I really wanted to hang out somewhere with BD and be alone away from home...but I was so full, I needed to sit down in stretch pants...Ugh. I'm an old bat.

All in all it was scrumptious. Thank you BD, for making me feel like the only woman in the world again! Thank you for always making me feel like I am your special friend. Thank you for loving me no matter what. I love you.

I think I'll go to the gym today while BD and Fa go out to buy me a birthday gift. I hope it's something sparkly and pretty...Ha! What do I really care?..If she made me a card and gave me a hug and kiss...I would consider that the best gift ever. But he likes to take her to shop for me because he says she gets so excited and tells everyone she's shopping for Mommy! Ah. I love her.

I need to work off those calories. So I can be ready for Oscar later tonight. Just what I need, more skinny bitches in beautiful dresses to make me feel old and dare I say, fat.

God send the only true friend I call mine...

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

According to theknot I have been married to BD for...

2,021 Days!

He claims I never blog about him...But he's wrong. There's this special post today (Valentine's Day) ...there's more but I'm focusing on today...

There have been a few posts going around out there about how you met your 'significant other'. I met my husband in a bar. Drunk. The two of us. I was dating someone else and wasn't interested in him. Period.

How I fell in love with him was a whole 'nother story.

After a few botched up phone calls, we wound up dating.

On our first date, I knew I was going to marry him. I just knew. He was cute, sarcastically funny (he drove a gigantic Lincoln Town Car and asked me if I wanted to sit in the back like he was my town car driver) and the color of his eyes just blew me away (they still do, they are the most amazing layered blue.green.brown I have ever seen)...

He took me to the wrong restaurant where he thought he made a reservation, but didn't (there were two restaurants with the same name..opposite sides if the city)... and I also thought his last name was "Prada"...I was wrong. Very, very wrong. But that's not why I wanted to marry him...He was not my type at all and he had a job. What a novel idea! Before him, my Dad called most of my boyfriends "Oil Rags"...BD was different. I knew I'd marry him someday.

Later on during our first date, I found out the final game of the 1996 Yankees World Series was going on and he gave up watching the game with his friends to take me out. (He's the biggest Yankee fan ever!) If you only knew the dilemma he was facing prior to our date! It was a war in his mind for days but I was none the wiser. During dinner, he was disappearing to the bathroom every few hours to check the score and finally he fessed up and we went to a bar to watch the end of the game...They won. I prayed he wouldn't kiss me. We just hugged. Relief. He knew what I wanted and what I didn't want even before I knew it myself.

A few months later, he took me out for what became our first annual "Valentine's/Birthday Evening". It was a beautiful night. A little chilly, rainy and foggy...but that didn't bother me. I was looking forward to my surprise dinner. I had no clue where we were going and I was excited. He loves to eat and drink good wine so I knew it had to be great. Turned out to be the River Cafe. It's in Brooklyn and I have never been there...too fancy for my blood.

I was impressed and excited. He was disappointed. I couldn't understand why. It was foggy and he was mad. It didn't dawn on me until we sat down. Next to each other, against the wall... with the full view of the Brooklyn Bridge spread out in front of us along the wall of windows...Except the Brooklyn Bridge was immersed in a blanket of fog and was hidden from view. It was like we were sitting next to each other on the railroad, not at a fancy-schmancy restaurant trying to see the gorgeous view.

He was horrified. What was the point if you couldn't see the main attraction? The bridge?

I didn't mind. I ate like a pig, drank fabulous wine and had the best conversation ever. I fell in love that night.

He tried so hard and it didn't work out and he was so disappointed. I felt so bad for him. He was so upset. He cared so much about making me happy and I wasn't very used to that kind of treatment. He wound up getting me their famous Brooklyn Bridge Chocolate dessert instead to make up for the lack of view.

The key to my heart.
An attempt at romance using chocolate.
Sold!

I knew in my heart he had snagged it for good and I was head over heels in love. That was a wonderful night and it was the night I knew he was mine forever.

Eleven years later. We're still here. Going strong. Some ups, some downs. Some joyous times. Some uneasy moments...but all the while the love is there. In my heart. Forever.

He makes me laugh when I am not in the mood. He cares so deeply for his 'girls' and he would do anything to make us happy. What more can you ask for? And those eyes. I can see "Home" in those deep blue/green eyes.

In with the new...

I did make it to midnight. Barely. Thanks to Dog the Bounty Hunter and Entourage. It was the first time I saw the ball drop in at least seven years. I know...Partay Animal. You Jealous?

Anyway, the holidays are over and the birthday is over, time to get back to normal; take down the decorations (who hoo!) and live like normal people again. Whatever that means. I don't have any new year's resolutions (other than the ones created on blogthings) because I never adhere to them. I always say, "My new year's resolution is that I won't make any more new year's resolutions!"

Other than my dry, cracked and bleeding hands from fighting with all the packaging and twisties the toys come in, I hafta say, we made it through fairly unscathed. Yay me us.

The end of the year was fantastic. Fa's birthday was filled with love and gifts...Christmas was too. We went to BD's parents for Christmas eve and my Dad's for Christmas day.

Santa ate all his cookies during his visit while we slept and made a huge mess for me to clean up. Fa didn't know what to make of that. It was so cute. I loved watching her wonder about Santa. She was afraid to come down the stairs Christmas morning because she thought he was still here. We had to assure her that he was long gone and still handing out gifts under other people's trees in order for her to get downstairs to open her presents.

We got lots of great loot and cool gifts from family and friends. My brother in law and sister in law got us this book to try to learn how to train our dopey dog. I love that man, Cesar.

I got this cool 'Tiffany' necklace from family, this bracelet and money from Dad and this wonderful pair from F and BD. Things I totally didn't ask for. THAT is a great surprise!

BD got wine (of course) and his all time favorite thing in the world..Silafunghi. The man loves his spread. I don't see the beauty in it, but he does and that's all that matters.

F was bombarded with toys and clothes and didn't know where to go first. It was wonderful and exhausting. We are a lucky bunch.

I took Fa to get her pictures taken for her birthday and I loved seeing her act like such a big girl in the studio. I loved all the photos and she really had a ball. The best photo session ever...No tears whatsoever....Partay.

What a supermodel!

Of course it wouldn't be a true holiday without pictures of... our food.

(Those are potatoes and rosemary! And I swear they just fell onto the aluminum foil that way...)

Happy! Happy! and healthy 2007 to my family, friends and internet buds!

Cupcake Debacle

I made cupcakes (for the first time ever) for Fa's 'school' birthday party. Well, I attempted cupcakes a few times for Fa's 'school' birthday party. Last week, I tried them but I used a Whole Brand that was totally allergy free and and they came out like cardboard. I fed those to my dad for his birthday.

There are kids with allergies in this class so you have to be really careful with the ingredients. So I asked the other moms (who previously made cupcakes for their kids) what they used and lo and behold, they used a very simple method. So I thought.

Now, children, I am not writing this for prosperity's sake, mind you. (I am highly embarrassed by the whole thing) I am writing this to inform and teach because I wish someone was out there in internet heaven for me yesterday.

Those bright moms (I am being facetious) used Betty Crocker Super Moist cake mix in Golden Vanilla and Duncan Hines Creamy Homestyle Frosting in Classic Vanilla. Instead of a cake tin, they used a cupcake tin. Simple you say. Aha, me too. I even got Spongebob Cupcake wrappers for the boys and Strawberry Shortcake wrappers for the girls. I'm cool like that.

Instead of 3 eggs in the cake batter to bind and fluff the ingredients they used applesauce. Yum! You think. I know.

Well, none of those seemingly nice and helpful 'mother-truckers' told me how much applesauce to use, fuck you very much. I searched the internet and scoured the Betty Crocker website. Nothing. So I winged it. "Uhm, You can't wing it in baking" says BD. But Chef Tell didn't know either, so we both tried to do the math. One other recipe online used a cup of applesauce in place of one egg. So us geniuses decided that we should do the same. The recipe calls for 3 eggs. 3 cups of applesauce, you think?

Yeah right.

I should have known when I poured the entire jar of applesauce into the mixture that something wasn't right! But you see, I'm dense that way. I just kept on keepin on. And I was almost blissful in the process. I was a "real mom" who bakes cupcakes for her daughter instead of going to the store and buying pre-made cookies like I was originally gonna do.

I mixed with my heavy duty Kitchen Aid mixer. Uhm, not mine, BD's. remember, I don't cook. Ever!

And I waited 25 minutes for the cupsplats to harden in the oven. Nada. Needless to say I was pissed. Do ya think I used too much applesauce? No, I didn't get a picture of the cupsplats. I was too mad. By the way, I had just come from the gym that's why I'm not dressed up in my "Betty Crock of shit" apron and dress with white high heels. I am a mess and I don't want to leave the house again.

However, the things I would do for that little girl! So I sped out...again...to the supermarket for more cake mix and applesauce. BD was mad at me for drag racing down the block but it felt so good to put the pedal to the metal and zoooooom!

I bought another package of cake mix and applesauce. I was so mad, but I managed to donate my change to the Salvation Army guy ringin' his bell to the tune of "Here Comes Santa Clause". I dunno, he made me smile through all my anger.

As I'm speeding home, I remember...Fuck! We ran out of Vegetable Oil too. So I go to 7-11 to pick it up. Yeah, not such the great source for all your baking needs. So, I bought Olive Oil instead. Bite me, it was all they had.

At home, we try again. I found out that I should have only used 1/4 cup of applesauce for each egg. Thank you so very much Dummies. Finally, the batter was thick and creamy. And yummy too. All in all, the cupcakes came out great. And yummy too. There were a couple of casualties...if you look close. But hey, toddlers don't care right?

I had a horrible experience with a whole lot of cryin' over my cupcakes. (Sounds like a country song) But it all worked out in the end. Thank you BD for your help and hugs while I stomped around the house like a three year old. I know I misbehaved and I deserve a time out but I just wanted these cupcakes to be perfect for our little lady. And thank you for snapping pictures for my blog when I really didn't want you to. I appreciate your support.

I love you baby girl. I'd do anything for you!

*****Updated!*****

I think they were a hit!

Birthday Party #1

We had our cousins over last night for sushi and cake.
Her Aunts and Uncles tried so hard to play with her and she just didn't want any piece of it. Sometimes she can be a real snob. But in Fa's defense, she hates people in her grill. And for some reason, these particular family members invade her space and happen to get in her face often. She just doesn't know how to say "back off" just yet. And once you let her warm up, she's a pleasure to play with. They just don't allow her that time. Sooooo....

She didn't want to share her toys. She wouldn't play with the girls. She wouldn't even talk to anyone but BD and Myself. Can you all say "attached"? Am I doing something wrong?

She whined a lot and cried because we wouldn't keep the dog out of his crate. The damn dawg won't sit still for two seconds. You can't have company over because he'll burst an artery. So we crated him and she lost it.

Her Aunt and Uncle gave her some very cool games from this company. I never heard of them but the toys are great. She is now playing with this and this at the same time. She can't get enough!

We had cake. But under no circumstances were we allowed to sing "Happy Birthday" or light candles. Snob.

Dear Baby Girl,

Well my sweet feet, you are three years old. Officially in 8 days, but you have grown in the past month like I can not believe. These past three weeks have been full of exploration and self-discovery for you. These past three years have been filled with joy, happiness, love and insecurity. But all the while my love for you blossoms. I am grateful for your soul and for your lessons on life and love. I am forever honored by your presence and I will always be unconditionally in love with you.

It seems like yesterday, when I found out you were a girl and I saw you suck your thumb and yawn in your sonogram. You were 13 ounces and oh! so tiny. But I could tell you were filled with strength just by looking at your tiny, little spine. We watched you wiggle and stretch and we fell instantly in love. I couldn't wait to meet you.

Your first year was very difficult. I had a hard time finding my 'Mommy Footing' and you had a hard time adjusting to the world. I was off balance and feeling very insecure about my new role as your Mom. It felt like it took the entire year to bond with you and have that connection that all new mother's dream about. I still regret not feeling closer with you sooner but I know it all worked out exactly the way it should. You were insecure, sensitive and colicky and so was I.

I was very sad when you were born. I missed you not being in my belly and I was scared and unsure of myself because I felt like I didn't deserve you. I felt like you deserved better and I was on a mission to find you the perfect Mommy. Back then, I wasn't aware that she was in fact, me.

I worked very hard to make myself strong for you and to learn how to deal with life as a Mom. The responsibility and fear is overwhelming and I wasn't sure I could do it. Especially since I didn't have my Mommy to help me. I didn't have anyone to ask. I didn't have my Mom to tell me I could do it. I was never expected to do anything as important as be your Mommy and I was scared I'd fail you. And all along, all I really needed was to trust myself and to trust you.

I regret the fact that your first steps and first words along with many other firsts were clouded by my insecurities. However, I am thankful that you taught me how to enjoy life and relax a little and take each day in baby steps just like you have been doing from the beginning. Our development together is astounding. I am proud of us. I am watching you grow and learn and break new ground in your world as I do the same in mine. We walk side by side and step by step with just the right amount of learning and teaching. We are a great team, my girl. We are getting there together.

Then came your second year. It was so much fun. We found our formula. We enjoyed each others company and had a blast spending time together. You were growing exponentially. You were strong and smart and developing so quickly. Your milestones were met...tenfold...and you amazed us with each new action and word. You were a talker and a singer and a fantastic dancer...and you discovered your body in your second year of life. You discovered all the fun things it can do like jump and run and play. You still play with all your might. I envy your enthusiasm for every new thing.

You realized that you are independent and smart and capable of many things. And you realized that you have likes and dislikes and opinions that matter. You figured out that you can indeed choose your own socks even if they don't match the rest of your outfit. And you yelled and screamed to make sure you were heard clearly. You discovered you love to be free to play soccer and basketball and run in the park and you can do it all on your own. The possibilities are endless.

In your second year, I was lost there for a while as your Mom and I feared that our connection, if cut, would lose me as a person forever. I couldn't give you up to others, I couldn't leave you with anyone else. I couldn't fathom you living your life separate from mine. But I realized that we both have needs and sometimes they are not for each other. We each need other things like Daddy, and friends and love from others to make us stronger. We need to find self worth and self esteem separate from each other. And we need to know that we are always there for each other, but self-efficiency is quite important in order to maintain a healthy and strong mind-body relationship. You, my darling, have taught me that.

You discovered that you are definitely independent of me and you are your own person. In fact, I also discovered that even though I will always be your Mommy and I carry your heart in my chest, I am independent of you too. We are not the same person and we both have opinions and ideas that matter and I love that we can share them together as 'sistas', but most importantly as Mother and Daughter.

You discovered that the world around you is large and filled with many different people and things. A lot of it frightened you and you were very shy and cautious. You took your time warming up in new situations (you still do) and you were very cautious with new people (you still are). But, my darling, when you were comfortable in your surroundings you sure did shine like the brightest star in the sky! I am amazed at how comfortable you are becoming in your world. As I am in mine.

You have taught me the importance of trust and love and understanding all while you were learning the same things in your life. You have taught me to trust myself in spite of myself. If you can find the strength in me that I thought I was missing, then I can keep it there for you too. If you trust me to teach you about life and relationships and love, than I can be confident enough to do it for you. I must do that for you. I am your Mother. Your first role model. The one you will love and hate and be embarrassed by all in a matter of seconds. But I must be strong for you and help you learn that no matter what, I will always love you and be there for you.

Your third year has been an eye opener for the both of us. You have finally found your voice and you know how to use it. You are finally more confident to speak up when you want something not just from Mommy & Daddy but from other people as well. You are beginning to understand that the world around you is very large and can be scary at times but you always find a way to cope with fear and anxiety and you try your best to enjoy your time wherever you are. You are truly a work in progress and I am so proud of all that you are learning about yourself.

It is difficult sometimes for you to have fun in new surroundings but you are such a happy little girl. You fall asleep singing in your bed every night and you wake up singing in your bed every morning. What a joy it is to see you enjoying life and being so happy. I never saw such pleasure in making up songs and playing with toys and 'imaginary truck friends'. You truly have this toddler thing down. I worry sometimes because I want you to be happy and I question sometimes whether you are. But when I see you smile and hear you sing, I know you will be alright.

I am not surprised. You always reach great heights with every attempt at something new. From feeding yourself to sleeping in a big girl bed to hanging out with family and friends when Mommy goes someplace by herself...Generally, being a three year old. I've found that you do it so well.

I love the way you get your own snack from the snack cabinet and hand it to me (always with a smile) to put in a bowl. I adore the way your baby talk has bloomed into full blown speech and your language is so mature and smart. You communicate your feelings even when you'd much rather throw your toys or your lovey when you are mad at me. And, you tell me when you are mad at me and the reasons why. I love the way you chasse and skip, never walk, all over the place. I love the way you observe every little thing and point out your new found knowledge to me. It makes me see things in an entirely different way. You teach me to really see things for what they truly are, not just look at things as they may seem from the outside.

You have become so loving and affectionate and I love the way you wrap your arms around my neck and plant sweet, sweet kisses on my cheek with a "smack". I love when you tell me that I am your "favorite Mommy ever" and "Daddy is the best Daddy of all time". You melt my heart when you say thank you and tell me you love me every night after I tuck you into bed.

You are creative and funny and silly and smart. You have imaginary friends and you are so caring toward them, making sure they are fed, happy and healthy and not afraid of the lawnmowers or vacuum cleaners. You truly care about their well being. How did you learn compassion so easily? How did you learn that being nice is important to others? How do you know when to use sincerity?

Thank you my love for giving me the best three years of my life. They are trying at times, scary at times and overflowing with joy all the time and I wouldn't change a second of it. I am in awe of you and your heart and your soul. Your smile and your laughter melts me to my core and makes me feel like I can do anything as long as you believe I can. With you and Daddy by my side, all is perfect in the world. You are my family and I adore you.

As I watch that helpless infant fade from your face and see you transform into a confident young girl, I am saddened by the loss. But I will always look back on those first days with fondness and joy, and I embrace the new little person you are becoming. You envelope my soul. I love you with all my heart and I will always take comfort in knowing that out of all the little girls in the world, I got the very best one.

Happy 70th Birthday Daddy!

I love you.

Happy Birthday Big Daddy

I love you. I hope you know that this is my favorite day of the year. I love to celebrate YOU!
Your birthday is a day to tell you what a great husband and daddy you are. (I know we don't say it often). Also, to show you how happy we are to be your wife and daughter (and puppy).

You are a very special man and Fa and RT and I are very lucky to have you in our lives.

Happy Birthday my love and celebrate with the knowledge that you are loved.