Ah...To be 29 again...Perchance to dream...

So, I think I could get away with telling people I'm really 29. Forever. Ya think? I think I could fake it. I do.

Had a great day. I love my family. All of them. Great gifts, great food. Happy day.

Too bad I left the house without my pants today. No really, I left my pants in the drier while I went out...You sickos...I had my Jammies on...just not the pants I would have liked to be seen in public in. I had a 'senior moment'! You see, the dog puked on my back. And I didn't know it. But then I felt the slime dripping...ugh. I know. I know. What was the dog doing on my back? He sits there...while I blog. Then he puked. And left. And didn't tell me. Until it was too late.

Thank you everyone for such wonderful well wishes...I can't believe how many of you took the time to celebrate with me...

Right now, I'm watching The Young and Restless on my brand spankin' new DVR...at 10:15 pm....I am forwarding through the commercials and boring parts...I am in heaven. Ah, Birthdays.

Dinner and a Mo.......zzzzzz.

My darling husband took me out to dinner last night for my birthday. Yes folks...I will officially be an old hag on Tuesday. Send all sparkly gifts to the address listed in my 'loony bin' roster...(This is the week to celebrate my birthday..I always take a week. I start the Saturday before and end the Saturday after...Since forever...Wheee...)

Ahem, back to last night. We went to an amazing, top-notch restaurant here in the neighborhood. He had crab cakes to start and wild striped bass for dinner. I stuffed myself with mushroom barley soup and Ahi tuna. We drank champagne to start off and a beautiful Red Burgundy during dinner... The plan was to do something after dinner. We were going to park our car at home and walk into town to have some drinks at another local restaurant.

I never made it.

I was so stuffed and a little tipsy that when we came home, I immediately ran upstairs to put my jammies on and veg on the couch. My In-laws were ready for a late night of babysitting and when I walked in the door, my Mother-I-Law yelled at me for not wanting to go out...Who has a babysitter that begs you to stay out as long as you like??? I do.

I really wanted to hang out somewhere with BD and be alone away from home...but I was so full, I needed to sit down in stretch pants...Ugh. I'm an old bat.

All in all it was scrumptious. Thank you BD, for making me feel like the only woman in the world again! Thank you for always making me feel like I am your special friend. Thank you for loving me no matter what. I love you.

I think I'll go to the gym today while BD and Fa go out to buy me a birthday gift. I hope it's something sparkly and pretty...Ha! What do I really care?..If she made me a card and gave me a hug and kiss...I would consider that the best gift ever. But he likes to take her to shop for me because he says she gets so excited and tells everyone she's shopping for Mommy! Ah. I love her.

I need to work off those calories. So I can be ready for Oscar later tonight. Just what I need, more skinny bitches in beautiful dresses to make me feel old and dare I say, fat.

No, Thank You.

Since SF has been testing her newest level of limits, and taking her medicine every day she seems to be in better spirits. She has started smiling again, singing and dancing and even being polite.

I haven't had to put my foot down as hard as I thought. I knew something was wrong. She's an easy going kid. I new she was just off. It wasn't really all about her age...so far.

I also think she's getting bored. Since Valentine's day we haven't really done much. The weather being the way that it is (frickin' freezing), and school and gym being on vacation has kept us homebound more than any hermit would like to admit.

Yesterday, was a great day. She was funny, sincere and even more 'huggy'. I asked her why she was hugging me so much and she said simply, "Because I want to!" She kept telling me she loves me and that we are best friend forever...Oh! I could die right now a happy woman! It was fantastic.

We ran an errand that I needed to get done and went to lunch at a local bagel store. She ate most of her lunch and was so well behaved. She sat like a big girl, chose her own drink and basically made it fun. I thanked her for the fun lunch and for being so cooperative in the store while I did my business. And I also told her I was happy to hear her use her 'please' and 'thank you's' again. (The other day, I told her I was very disappointed that she seemed to loose her 'please' and 'thank you's' and I was hoping she'd find them soon.)

We went home and she napped like a champ. (Another thing that hasn't been regular lately) I know when I don't nap, I'm a bitch on wheels.

As we are coloring in the living room, she turns to me and says, "Mommy, I found my 'Please' and 'thank you's' and I put them back in my mouth!"

I replied, "I know wonderful girl, I am so happy you found them! Where do you think they could have been?"

"Hiding in the bushes!"

I gotta check there more often for lost items...

In My Dreams

So, I got sidetracked this morning...That's what I get for obsessing over Statcounter...

I had a really scary dream last night. Anyone out there who interprets dreams?..I need you.

It's fuzzy still but I woke up many times during the night, scared shit. And it wasn't because of BD's snoring 'sawing wood'...That noise can wake the dead!

I was in a dark, wood cabin. It was buried deep in the woods. Lots of trees covered in snow. It was dark. I wasn't cold. But it was snowing, crisp and snowing. I recall looking up to the night sky to see the stars and a full moon shining down on me.

I was with a family. Not sure if it was my blood family or another family. I think I was staying with a family. Not my own.

They were all vampires. Beautiful vampires. They were gorgeous women with flowing dark hair, bright red lips and sharp fangs. The men were unbearably handsome, long-haired and shirtless...(yum.) Hey, even in my dreams I know a hot guy when I see one... I was unaware that they were indeed vampires. But they turned into them slowly. Like it was a natural event. They were trying to get me to become a vampire too...It wasn't gruesome. It wasn't gory. But I was scared shitless.

They were all telling me secrets about each other to get me to turn against the other. I was confused. But I listened to every one and then I remember feeling strange when I saw the person I knew the secret about. It was so uncomfortable. Like I didn't belong in my own skin.

I couldn't escape. It was too far into the woods. I couldn't make a phone call, or get this...send an e-mail. They kept me locked in the house, not tied up or restrained, but I couldn't escape.

Every time I woke up, it was like I was still under the dream's spell and I'd fall back asleep and continue the SAME dream. It went on 3-4 times. Until I thought I heard Fa calling me softly..."Mo-mmy!"...."Mo-mmy!"..."Mo-mmy!"

I finally woke with a start and jumped out of bed. I'm not sure if she was really calling me or if it was still in the dream. Because she was still quiet when I peeked in on her.

Ugh. I can't get it outta my head.

Totally full of Shit.

What? Who me? Nah! Not me. Fafa.

Literally.

She's constipated. (I apologize now Fa for when you are reading this at 16)!

I broke down and took her to her pediatrician yesterday. She has pooped 2 times in over a week. No joke. That's some serious blockage...even for her. When her 'flora' is under control, she goes every day, like clockwork. But, she has had IBS since birth and these issues are not new to her and her tiny hiney.

However, her pediatrician seems to have a major hard on for the fact the my kid is STILL in a Pamper at 3 years 2 months old. He can't get passed that small fact.

He seems to think it's a power struggle between us. She holds it in to get me "twisted" and likes the reaction. I fail to see the logic in that. She's not a manipulative kid. At least I don't think so. I think I do know her better than any human being in existence. And I have NEVER felt manipulated by her. Well, not counting her attitude this week!

But I don't blame her now. I'd be pissy pants and emotional too if my bowels were blocked up like a stopped sink pipe. Crap. Pardon the pun.

So, get this. She's on MiraLax for the constipation for two weeks AND...big A.N.D...Glycerin suppositories for three days. Poor little buttcrack.

The topper...Oh the topper on this bad boy.

If after two weeks, and I quote "I am a complete failure" unquote (at potty training) I have to call a Dr. Soandso...a Gastroenterologist slash POTTY.TRAINING.EXPERT!!!

Wait, I don't think you read that slow enough. I, MOM, master of my domain and my child's being, controller of all that is holy in our abode and commode...need a potty training expert.

I believe it.

I totally believe it.

After two weeks, Dr. Pediatrician Sir, thinks she should be regulated enough to get motivated to go on the pot. He thinks that it may also HURT her to go and that can be another reason why she won't train...(He glossed over that dot point quickly though)

He thinks if she can't hold it in, she has nowhere else to go but the pot. He doesn't know her very well, do he? She's frickin' petrified of the thing. She's afraid she's gonna get sucked up into it...like the tub and sink drain (which we finally have under control thankyouverymuch), like the ever lovin' vacuum cleaner that I can only turn on if I have someone else in the house to distract her...She's not manipulating me. She's afraid. She's very afraid.

She has these anxieties that I do not know how to deal with and Dr. Ped. Sir thinks she's pulling a power play here...I disagree.

Big But. (Ha! Pardon the pun again)

I can not get my kid to go on the pot. If you know anything about me. You know that potty training is the fucking bane of my existence. I have post after post about my trials and tribulations on the subject. (Check my label "Potty" and see) And I am a failure. I admit it. I need help. I can not do this one alone.

So, in two weeks. I will call this specialist. Because I can admit when I need help. (Most of the time) And my love and concern for my child is way deeper than my pride. I will call him and I will sit through any seminar he holds and I will hand my potty over to him graciously and see what he can do.

How much ya wanna bet he can't make her do it either?

Let it pass quickly...

Damnit, if this is a phase, please let it pass quickly.
I want to meet the person who coined the phrase "This too shall pass". And I want to smack him upside the head. With a three year old.

This Sweet Child 'O Mine is in a rare mood. If you can call it a mood. If it was a mood, it'd be over by now. Yes?

Nah!

Gah!

It's like someone flipped the switch. She turned three and grew some balls. I can appreciate her Chutzpa but holy shit on a hot dog bun! Nothing makes her happy. She breaks into hysterics over literally, the drop of a (cowboy) hat. She yells at us and talks back. So, so snotty. I can literally see her ovaries and uterus forming into the very thing that will make her such an emotional pre-teen, teenager then woman. Oh! the horror.

Her vocabulary is almost freakish and she doesn't even think twice to yell, "I'm pissed off because Nana doesn't have Noggin." Or, "I won't talk to anyone and turn down that music volume!" The best is, "Snack and water, snack and water!" Like "Gunga Din, fetch me my water!"

It has been slowly brewing for about two weeks. I was wondering why I feel like running away and never coming back. I couldn't figure out why we have been butting heads. Arguing, and just not getting along. My relationship with my daughter felt soiled, uneasy and tense. I've been walking on eggshells and my poor feet are'a gettin' tired.

But this past week explained a lot. Usually, when F is getting sick, she is unbearably whiny. Intolerable. Torture. Then she gets sick and returns to her normal, cheerful self after the bug has left her body. However, this time, I believe the bug is gone but the sweet little princess has yet to return.

She threw up on Wednesday, has been off (read: constipated) since but Saturday she got Valentine's candy from her Nana. She wanted to eat it and much to my dismay, chomped happily on her new chocolates. I said quite calmly, "Fafa, you haven't been feeling well, and your stomach isn't right." She looked me straight in the eye and retorted, "I feel better noooo-oooow!" My mother-in-law almost tipped over. What a bitch. How dare she talk to me like that. And what did I do? Nada. Nothing. I looked at her in amazement and moved on.

What the hell am I supposed to say to that?

She has been back talking all weekend. To me. To BD. Even to poor, innocent Dog. So today, a new leaf.

Time outs for any unacceptable behavior.

This includes but is not limited to: yelling at me, demanding shit all day long without a please or thank you, whining, tantrums out of the blue, sarcasm, snotty behavior, hitting/tormenting the dog or me, biting or pulling things out of my hands.

I am not kidding. I need to put my foot down. I must nip this 'flower' in the bud before she totally takes control and has me cowering in the friggin' corner. Don't laugh it almost happened.

What a friggin' beyatch.

And if one more person tells me that this will pass...they better duck.

I can forgive but I won't forget

The apology has been barely uttered.

Years have gone by.

But you can't seem to get it out of your head heart.

The abandonment, the lying, the disappointment. The pressure to forgive a person for something they have done not even to you but to themselves. It still seems so fresh and so real. It's over, but is it ever really over in your head?

She is the one who suffered. She is the one who went through it. But you feel betrayed. You feel the hurt just as deeply as if it was your own.

Life goes on. Life happens and you are supposed to forgive and forget but you have this nagging feeling of abandonment and 'how could you do this to me?' and you try too hard to ignore it but it surfaces when you least expect it, when you need her most. It surfaces and you back away, recoil. You become aware of the hurt and the pain you felt when she wasn't there and you needed her most.

You try deep in your soul to let life go on as if nothing ever happened. But it's there in your heart and you can't let it go. You feel manipulated just a little bit and a victim of her passive-aggressive behaviors brought on by such a difficult life. Yet, you continue to pretend.

You are petrified she'll leave again. She'll do it again. She'll abandon you for good and then what will you have? Nothing. Again.

You will be left alone again. Probably when you need her most.

So why bother?

Because you love her. Unconditionally. And it hurts too much to let go. You can't say anything because, you are afraid you'll hurt her by telling her how you really feel. Even if it means you can't really trust. You have to pretend. Because you love her too much to let her see that you can't trust her. You love her too much to let her know how deeply she hurt you. Even if your heart is suffering because of her.

God send the only true friend I call mine...

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

According to theknot I have been married to BD for...

2,021 Days!

He claims I never blog about him...But he's wrong. There's this special post today (Valentine's Day) ...there's more but I'm focusing on today...

There have been a few posts going around out there about how you met your 'significant other'. I met my husband in a bar. Drunk. The two of us. I was dating someone else and wasn't interested in him. Period.

How I fell in love with him was a whole 'nother story.

After a few botched up phone calls, we wound up dating.

On our first date, I knew I was going to marry him. I just knew. He was cute, sarcastically funny (he drove a gigantic Lincoln Town Car and asked me if I wanted to sit in the back like he was my town car driver) and the color of his eyes just blew me away (they still do, they are the most amazing layered blue.green.brown I have ever seen)...

He took me to the wrong restaurant where he thought he made a reservation, but didn't (there were two restaurants with the same name..opposite sides if the city)... and I also thought his last name was "Prada"...I was wrong. Very, very wrong. But that's not why I wanted to marry him...He was not my type at all and he had a job. What a novel idea! Before him, my Dad called most of my boyfriends "Oil Rags"...BD was different. I knew I'd marry him someday.

Later on during our first date, I found out the final game of the 1996 Yankees World Series was going on and he gave up watching the game with his friends to take me out. (He's the biggest Yankee fan ever!) If you only knew the dilemma he was facing prior to our date! It was a war in his mind for days but I was none the wiser. During dinner, he was disappearing to the bathroom every few hours to check the score and finally he fessed up and we went to a bar to watch the end of the game...They won. I prayed he wouldn't kiss me. We just hugged. Relief. He knew what I wanted and what I didn't want even before I knew it myself.

A few months later, he took me out for what became our first annual "Valentine's/Birthday Evening". It was a beautiful night. A little chilly, rainy and foggy...but that didn't bother me. I was looking forward to my surprise dinner. I had no clue where we were going and I was excited. He loves to eat and drink good wine so I knew it had to be great. Turned out to be the River Cafe. It's in Brooklyn and I have never been there...too fancy for my blood.

I was impressed and excited. He was disappointed. I couldn't understand why. It was foggy and he was mad. It didn't dawn on me until we sat down. Next to each other, against the wall... with the full view of the Brooklyn Bridge spread out in front of us along the wall of windows...Except the Brooklyn Bridge was immersed in a blanket of fog and was hidden from view. It was like we were sitting next to each other on the railroad, not at a fancy-schmancy restaurant trying to see the gorgeous view.

He was horrified. What was the point if you couldn't see the main attraction? The bridge?

I didn't mind. I ate like a pig, drank fabulous wine and had the best conversation ever. I fell in love that night.

He tried so hard and it didn't work out and he was so disappointed. I felt so bad for him. He was so upset. He cared so much about making me happy and I wasn't very used to that kind of treatment. He wound up getting me their famous Brooklyn Bridge Chocolate dessert instead to make up for the lack of view.

The key to my heart.
An attempt at romance using chocolate.
Sold!

I knew in my heart he had snagged it for good and I was head over heels in love. That was a wonderful night and it was the night I knew he was mine forever.

Eleven years later. We're still here. Going strong. Some ups, some downs. Some joyous times. Some uneasy moments...but all the while the love is there. In my heart. Forever.

He makes me laugh when I am not in the mood. He cares so deeply for his 'girls' and he would do anything to make us happy. What more can you ask for? And those eyes. I can see "Home" in those deep blue/green eyes.

Monday Miscellany

We went food shopping as a 'family' yesterday.

Fa was acting up. As usual lately.

BD says, "I hate to say this to you, but when we are together alone, she NEVER does this!"

Great!

Why is she much more temperamental and argumentative when I'm around lately?

Why are we bickering more?

Why doesn't she want to hug me as much as she used to?

****************************************************

Some funny things BD said this weekend:

"You haven't lived until you've had Dog's Leather Starfish resting on your bare leg."

"I have a new name for you...Goose tits."
****Updated to add**** We come up with silly names for each other on a daily basis...'Goose tits' just happened to be this week's name...

"I can't believe you don't have mice living under Fa's car seat!"

"You know, you can sweep the floors once in a while, it won't kill ya."

"I thought Smokey Robinson was dead, Oh wait..he is. Look they have him propped up with two 2x4's."

****************************************************

Let's try the cats again...

Cat listening to Stevie Wonder












Cat listening to HOUSE music












Cats listening to Metal












Cat listening to Hip Hop












Cat listening to GANGSTA RAP












Cat listening to Techno(on Ecstasy)

Potty Training Round 5,989

Ok, listen to this. Yesterday, Fa wanted to be nekkid ALL FRIGGIN DAY!
Yes.

Nude.
Bare ass.
Naked as a jaybird.
Nudie, like the day she was born.
All. Day. Long.

This started in the middle of the week. I found her naked in the living room on more than one occasion.

I approached this new milestone in many different ways.

I congratulated her on being able to FINALLY undress herself.

I ignored it.

I laughed.

I warned that we only do this at HOME.

I gently reminded her NOT to pee on my COUCH!

Then, I finally asked what she was thinking. After all, we can't be nekkid all day long. We do leave the house once in a while and she does need to be clothed in order to go to school.

Her answer plain and simple. "Practicing to go on the potty Mom!"

Like, "You stooooopid jerk, what the hell do you think I'm doing...?"

So Friday, we went to go buy a little potty made especially for her. A Princess Potty. Complete with Snow White, Ariel, Cinderella and all the other women she really could care less about.

She was ecstatic! Excited to have it and raring to go...in it.

Saturday, she woke up and refused to put her clothes on. I didn't argue, I figured 'you go girl', make it easy and just be naked...no panties to pull on and off and you can just plop a squat and be ready.

We trekked downstairs and she sat on that thing every chance she got. She watched TV on it, read and even ate her snack sitting on it. Did she put her goods in it?

Nope. Not once. All day.

She held it in. Again. All day.

After a while (hours upon hours), I could tell she needed to go. She sat and squeezed but only a dribble came out. We cheered and yelled and danced and sang nonetheless, and I gave her a sticker to put on the potty..that's where she wants to put her reward stickers...On the pot.

BD came home from work to find her naked still and eating her dinner on the couch. I knew it was only a matter of time. She had been eating and drinking all day long. It had to come out some time.

She finally broke down. And peed. On my couch.

With that, she became embarrassed and threw the fit of all fits. Screaming and crying and yelling at  her dad to leave the house. She threw her toys and was enraged at it all.

With her begging for a Pamper, I dressed her and she peed.

She relaxed within seconds and that was that.

What the?

Don't get it?

She refuses to sit on the pot. The big pot. The princess pot. Any pot out there...she just won't do it.

The next size up from her Pampers size 6 is Depends.

Every time she sneezes I believe its love....

There's something that happens to your heart when you become a mother. It changes. It gets tougher yet it softens ever so easily when your child smiles at you. It transforms you into this all-knowing yet questioning, emotional being that would die for her child. It envelopes your soul with a love that you never knew, until your child breathes her first breath.

The love is deeper than any affair, stronger than any feeling you've had. It's a romance indescribably apparent after you lay eyes on your baby. A romance insurmountable to any other connection you have ever had with any other human before.

It makes you a different person forever. You see people and other mothers differently. You see your own relationship with your mother differently. You cherish your mother more than ever and you pray you can be even better. You find yourself praying more often than ever. Praying for the safety of your child's soul, praying for joy, praying for time. You wish they could 'stay this way forever' then in an instant wish they could be old enough to understand why. Why you are so strict, so emotional, so overprotective, so worried all the time.

My daughter is three. She is so young yet, she wishes she were more independent. She is becoming more independent of me and I am proud and sad. She probably doesn't understand why I don't let her sleep over her Grandparent's house or why I yell at her for jumping off of the top step. But sooner or later she will get it. When I see that she can be in the slightest danger of getting hurt, my heart cries. It cries for her pain and for the loss of innocence. It cries because it will never get back these times and becoming a mother has made me more aware of the passing of time.

Time flies, and before I know it she'll be a woman and hopefully a mother one day. So she can then understand why I acted the way I did and why I hovered just a little longer than she would like and why whenever she cries, I feel it deep in my chest. Where my heart once belonged to only me.

Let there be (Night)Light

My daughter is afraid of the dark.

I new it was coming for the past week. Every night, she'd find a new reason to keep me in her bed to "schnuggle" just a little longer. She'd complain about turning out the lights ("I can't see the brown!") and cry and whimper (like the dog) as I walked out of her room.

Last night was the kicker. She cried every time I tried to leave her room. It lasted about a half an hour. I get very nervous when she has a hard time going to sleep. You see, I have this thing with the dark and whenever she starts in, I freak out a little that we'll be up all night. In the dark. I discovered I was afraid of the dark when Fa was born. It immobilizes me. The dark. I can totally understand why she'd hate it too..but she was doing so well in it.

Then, I asked her hesitantly if she wanted me to put her night light on. She answered yes, for the first time ever.

I bought this night light for her last year and every time I tried to turn it on since then she'd yell at me to turn it off..."It's too bright!"

I love this night light. It's beautiful. It's purple with a little beaded shade over it like a tiny lamp. So girly. But I was kind of happy that she didn't need it.

Well, she needed it last night.

She napped yesterday too. Whenever she naps in the daytime now, she has a hard time going to sleep. I think we are thisclose to giving up the nap entirely. Goodbye sanity.

Years from now when I let her read this entry, I'm sure we'll laugh together and reminisce about how tiny and scared she used to be...But for now, in my head, I'm a little jittery.

Damnit.

I was all excited yesterday.

Earlier in the month, we got tickets to see The Dirty Sock Funtime Band and Audra Rox I couldn't friggin' wait. You know, it's like seeing Aerosmith, but for kids. The show was in Brooklyn and we got there waaay too early...Good job K!

We waited in the cars for the doors to open. It was freezing. We watch the band draggin' their gear into the venue, we chatted them up. We were the only ones there at that time. The lead singer is just too cute.

Fa is all ready to go. Brilliant, I think. She's excited! She's calm. She's happy. She's gonna do it. This time, after all the misadventures of loud, live shows...she's gonna actually do it.

We get lucky enough to get in to watch a little bit of the sound check because we were there so early and it was so, so cold and they felt bad for us. I'm thrilled. I'm singin', I'm dancin', I'm all excited...you know...former groupie feelin' like old times...You know how it is for me.

Audra is adorable and oh! so friendly. She was dancing with the kids on the dance floor. The members of the DSFTB were all out and about greeting the kiddies and chatting up the parents. All the kids are dancing and having a grand old time. But Fa. That's another story.

She looses it.

Absolutely looses it.

Screaming. Crying. It's too loud. I wanna go home. All that jazz.

I am furious.

I We (yes I dragged my husband on Super Bowl Sunday) try to keep her there as long as possible.

I got to talk to the lead singer some more. Did you know he brushes his teeth before every show? I know. He told me. He even offered me his tooth brush because I had a Bloody Mary and I told him I felt like my breath stunk. (yes, I was drinking at a kids engagement) He was so sweet. Gah! My new crush.

We leave. Even before the band comes on.

Talk about pissed. Disappointed. Unsure. Nervous. I was all of those things. I just can't comprehend that out of all the kids in that place, mine was the only one shitting her pants. Totally lost it. Friggin' basket case.

I just don't get it.

What the hell am I doing wrong?

How do I get her to just loosen up and just enjoy the moment?

I am at a loss and I just don't know what to do to help her.

Where am I going wrong?

Annual Check "Under the Hood"

(In honor of Groundhog day!! tee hee)

Had my yearly the other day.
Why is that the most uncomfortable appointment anyone can ever have?

I hate it. But I love my doctor. He is an angel, right here on earth.

Anyway, I'm sure you don't care to hear my "Under the Hood" play by play. It was uneventful.

I do have to go for my second mammogram because I'll be *gasp* 35 at the end of the month. That should be a roaring good time.

But I do want to tell you about the time I 'spat' the speculum clear across the room. Doc was trying out his new fangled 'plastic speculum' on me and told me to relax. Well, for some reason, I just couldn't...he inserted. Turned away. And kablooey...it shot out and hit the cabinets right behind his back. He was quite impressed! I was mortified. I helped teach him that plastic and lube don't mix. He went back to the metal one.

This time around there was a young mom waiting with her son in the waiting room. And I was alone (for a change) I was under-dressed with little makeup and I just know I looked 18. Well, this mom gave me the dirtiest look ever when I walked in and sat down across from her and her son. I smiled at them, but she wasn't reciprocating the kindness.

I was a little offended but then I heard their conversation as I sat down.

Boy: "My poopie hurts!"

Mom: "I Know but you won't sit on the potty, what do you want me to do?"

Boy: "My poopie hurts!"

Mom: "Honey, I know"

Boy: "My poopie hurts!"

This went on for a good 5-10 minutes when he started jumping on the chairs and yelling about his poopie.

She finally told him in exasperation to tell the nurse. I guess she just wanted him to stop and that would do it.

So what does he do? He comes up to me to tell me his poopie hurts. Figures.

I asked him if I looked like a nurse in my teacheriest voice that I could scrounge up on a 7pm on a Monday evening. He got shy and went back to his mom.

I asked him how old he was and struck up a conversation with him and his mom. (I was not about to be defeated). Turns out, he's the same age as F and looks and speaks a whole lot older just like she does. I told him I had a girl for him to play with and he got all excited. He's my new best friend. The mom almost seemed relieved that I took his mind off his poopie and she had someone to talk to about 3 year olds...It turned out to be a nice wait.

So we both prejudged even before we opened our mouths to find out that we were similar in more ways than one. It's amazing how mommyhood can connect total strangers that would otherwise never speak to each other.

And I'm amazed that I struck up a conversation with a total stranger and succeeded.