There's something that happens to your heart when you become a mother. It changes. It gets tougher yet it softens ever so easily when your child smiles at you. It transforms you into this all-knowing yet questioning, emotional being that would die for her child. It envelopes your soul with a love that you never knew, until your child breathes her first breath.
The love is deeper than any affair, stronger than any feeling you've had. It's a romance indescribably apparent after you lay eyes on your baby. A romance insurmountable to any other connection you have ever had with any other human before.
It makes you a different person forever. You see people and other mothers differently. You see your own relationship with your mother differently. You cherish your mother more than ever and you pray you can be even better. You find yourself praying more often than ever. Praying for the safety of your child's soul, praying for joy, praying for time. You wish they could 'stay this way forever' then in an instant wish they could be old enough to understand why. Why you are so strict, so emotional, so overprotective, so worried all the time.
My daughter is three. She is so young yet, she wishes she were more independent. She is becoming more independent of me and I am proud and sad. She probably doesn't understand why I don't let her sleep over her Grandparent's house or why I yell at her for jumping off of the top step. But sooner or later she will get it. When I see that she can be in the slightest danger of getting hurt, my heart cries. It cries for her pain and for the loss of innocence. It cries because it will never get back these times and becoming a mother has made me more aware of the passing of time.
Time flies, and before I know it she'll be a woman and hopefully a mother one day. So she can then understand why I acted the way I did and why I hovered just a little longer than she would like and why whenever she cries, I feel it deep in my chest. Where my heart once belonged to only me.
23 comments:
I feel the same way about my daughters.
You are a wonderful writer; much better than I could ever be. Thanks for sharing this.
You made me cry! xoxo
A. Men!
Wow Janet .. that was awesome! I am so glad you decided to enter the contest with THAT!
I am tearing it up ... Wow .... How I agree!
So true! This post brought tears to my eyes.
It's true, your heart is no longer your own when you become a mother. Your children wind themselves around your heart.
Oh you so captured it.
I never knew I was capable of such love. And I never had faith.
After kids...it's all different.
So trying yet so incredible. I'm a better person because of them.
Some times kids learn things the hard way - especially with things like jumping off the top step.
They also learn, later on, why they couldn't sleep over at other people's house when they were three, along with other things.
I'm sure it was that way with you, right? She will appreciate your love and your concerns with time - and that will help her with her own children down the road.
Thanks for sharing.
A beautiful post, thanks for entering it. Good luck.
yes, yes, yes, yes & yes! You were able to communicate your heart, thoughts and feelings perfectly with those words.
I had a bit of the blues when Jacob was born. I was afraid of the intense feelings of love I was having for my new child. Something that can only ever be experienced once you have children of your own.
I find I am already thinking about Jacob's future, who he will marry, if we will be close, how fast time is going. The love between a mother and child is incredible. I would say indescribable but you were able to do that very well.
You're so good with words, Janet.
The praying thing. SO true.
Beautiful post - thanks for sharing!
shit hot peas and butter. I am ready to call my mother, then lie in bed with ma' boy. Wow. Speechless and ya know me I never am. My husband thanx you :)
What a beautiful and inspiring post! You are right, once you become a mother, everything changes and you do see the world in a new light!
Janet, you fucking rock. That's all there is to it. And I'm envious of you and will continue to live vicariously...
So true and so beautiful my friend!
*sob*
Stop being such a good writer...it's bad for my ego. ;)
Steve~
Great... JUST GREAT! Thanks!
Wow, you said everything I feel . Wonderful post! Here from the Carnival of Blogging Chicks. :O)
Wonderful post. I felt the same about my child until he grew into a teenager. It is then we find out exactly how love works.
What a sweet post!
You described perfectly how we all feel as mothers.
Congrats on your Honorable Mention.
OMG Janet
Seriously. Stop making me cry at work...
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