I have a secret. Can you guess what it is?
I'll tell ya....
I'm not perfect.
I know, you can't believe it, right...Well, my friends...Believe it.
Sometimes I sit here and wonder how others haven't figured me out yet.
~I watch too much television. I could literally veg out in front of the tube for hours without flinching. I think it's a sickness...
~I sing out loud even though I can't. I think I sound like a rock star but it sounds so different in your ears than in reality...
~I'm a 'helicopter mom'. I am always hovering over Fa. I am afraid she's gonna eventually get sick of me. I see it in her face already, she looks at me like..."Moooooom! c'mon, I can do it myself." But, I'm afraid to let her go. She's my heart and I try to protect her from, let's see...everything.
~I should be spending more time with my husband. We haven't spent a whole lotta time together. I miss him. I hope he misses me too.
~I'm insecure. About, uhm, everything.
~I'm afraid of a whole crapload of different things. I can't even get started about that.
~I sleep too much. I love to sleep. I wish I could sleep more than I have been. I miss sleeping for hours at a time even in the middle of the day. I guess this makes me lazy.
~I haven't used my mind in such a long time and I'm getting nervous that I'll lose my mind if I don't use it. I miss reading for a purpose. I hated schoolwork but it gave me a feeling of accomplishment when I completed a project and got a good grade...
But I think it's time for being positive today:
~I have this daughter who adores me.
~I have this husband who (I think) does the same.
~The dog hasn't pooped or peed in his crate for 8 days straight.
~I can sit in front of the T.V. to watch my favorite shows and those fantastic reality shows, I'm a grown up, I can do what I want!
~If you don't like my singing...too bad. My daughter loves it!
~I am smart enough to realize that I have insecurities and imperfections and I work hard to change them or deal with them.
~All this thinking, is leading me to better things.
~I'm feeling pretty good about myself since detox and going to the gym regularly...BD noticed I lost weight!!!
~I get to be home with my little girl to help her grow up and watch her bloom into this precious 'flower'.
~Fa is loving "Mommy & Me"!!! She has a blast every class, she paints, plays, discovers new things like riding a tricycle by herself...She frickin' cries when it's time to leave. She says, "No, don't sing the 'goodbye song', sing the 'hello song'!!" and "I wanna stay here, can we please stay and play more?" I am ecstatic!
~I am liking "Mommy & Me" too...I adore spending the time with her in school and watching her have fun and not ALL the moms are arseholes.
How lucky am I?
9 comments:
You and my husband are big TV folks. His idea of a day off is to laze around watching the History Channel. Unfortunately, he has pulled Bode into his web and the two slugs loooove to lay around together. :-)
As for me? I'm with you: sleep. More sleep....
It's always nice to go somewhere and enjoy yourself. I like many of the moms in my daughter's Girl Scout troop - it's like my social hour (even though it's only about 10 minutes of conversation).
ok your list of imperfections are so not huge deals! Dude we are all lazy to some degree, if you want to call it that. I nap when my kid naps. I watch Buffy on DVD and knit if I am not sleeping....I hover over my kid, because I care ... they will tell us to piss off when they need to *wink*
It is all good. Work on what you want, leave the rest, perfect is overrated and dreadfully boring!
Hey, enjoy the mommy and me group. So glad you've met a group of non arseholes!!
Thanks for writin that entry. I can't believe how much I identified with everything you said....were you in my brain snooping around?? You aren't the only one with those thoughts and insecurities and everything else!
Thank you for letting us read this, makes me feel better. :)
You are so brave! I do admire the fact you can just bear it all in a sense. I need to do that and I think I will soon! Maybe after the move!
mel
I hate these word verifications I can barely type real word ....shiit!
This is the fourth time now!
REALLY lucky! :) Always good to end on the positive note. :) and in regards to the "insecure" and "imperfect" stuff? bleh! to hell with it. you are perfect, it's society telling you that you aren't.
Amber- I know, I just love to sleep.
Lisa- I never had that up until now. I hope it lasts and some mom doesn't totally piss me off...
Chelle- Thanks honey. I know I can always count on you to make me feel better.
Emma- I hope they stay that way!!
Carolyn2- Thanks cute stuff. I swear I wasn't snooping! It's nice to know I'm not the only one. (That's why I do this ya know)
Mel-Thanks hun. You will bear it when you are ready!
Kevin-Thank you. I'm honored you feel that way.
Hey, I am not the only one addicted to TV! But I like the lame shows like Three's Company and 70's and 80's game shows. I also love to sing but cannot sing.
You're not alone!
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