At the time, I don't know what I was thinking. But, yesterday I decided to drive Fa and myself to Connecticut. Like, way out Connecticut, about a half hour past Yale. That's really, friggin' far from where I live.
I have a long-lost friend who lives there with her husband and two kids. We haven't seen each other in seven years but we exchange Christmas cards every year since the kids have been born. Her daughter is almost 8 and her son is almost 5.
We worked at the advertising agency together, all three of us. She was a graphic designer, He was a writer and I was the assistant to the studio manager then I became an account executive. All this was before I went back to school for my Master's in Reading and became a teacher.
Anyway. I drove our asses up to God's Country. I wasn't looking forward to it but it turned out to be a fantastic drive. Fa slept most of the time going and coming home. I had my iPod crankin' the cool tunes and my Starbucks Venti Cafe Mocha with Soy Milk. And F had her chocolate milk and her lovey. We were set. It was so nice to see my friend that the drive was really like nothing. Straight ahead. From door to door. So it seemed.
We got there early in the morning and stayed all day. F played with the boy until his big sister came home then, she played with BOTH kids! I was amazed by her show of confidence and bravery in this new situation. She started out digging into my shoulder, but warmed up almost immediately and went right into the basement with the boy to play. Not even a look back. I love that.
She talked to the kids and played and really enjoyed herself. Something I rarely see her do. Even in school. I really believe that she doesn't like kids her own age because they are immature. Not in a bad, uncivilized way. It's just that this is the age where they are learning to connect with others. And in the meantime, they yell and cry and and pull crap out of her hands and get in her grill and invade her space. Not because they are mean, but because they don't know any better. Yet.
Older kids already know the routine and are comfortable with the peer playtime exchange. The 3 year olds F knows are not sophisticated enough for that yet. They are still all about themselves and are not aware that others have feelings and a spatial awareness they may be lacking. It makes F very uncomfortable and unable to connect with them.
F has always had that 'get outta my space' attitude which lead to tantrums when someone invaded that space. She may have always been aware of a person's personal space but she wasn't always aware of how to keep her own space protected without crying. But I think she's getting it. Especially when she plays with older kids and they let her just be herself and treat her like a real person. Adults treat her like a baby who needs help with everything. And kids her own age are still learning how to interact. No wonder why she looks at me sometimes in school like "What the fuck is that asshole doing?"
F is more comfortable with older kids who can really play. I see it now. She is not weird or anti-social. She is merely starving for kids to play with that actually know how to interact and pretend and color and not invade her space with drooly faces and staccato movements and wobbly footing.
On yesterday's journey, not only did I get to see some old friends, I discovered that 'Mommy and Me' is filled with smaller and younger, 'just learning kids' where F needs to be involved with older, more mature kids who can bring her out of her shell and just let her be. I think she will enjoy school with kids older and more mature than where she is now.
After all, she is only acting her age.
