I went to my old job yesterday to bring my 'remain in child care' status up to date.
I miss it.
I miss the kids. The colleagues. The principal (A big sweetheart). The Assistant Principal (One tough cookie)...The happy hours.
The Provider is quick to remind me that I always get like this when I visit there. I tend to get misty-eyed and remember only the good stuff and forget all about the bad things like the report cards, parent teacher conferences, up the butt PTA members, homework, tests, standardized tests, meetings that are useless...all that crap I complained about on a constant loop when I worked there. Top it all off, usually, everyone is grumpy, on edge, antsy, overworked and ready for the end of year by this point. (It's a NYC school don't forget)
But when I go there for a few hours, everyone is happy to see me, they are smiling, they want to hear about The Girl, are genuinely joyous over my visit. I feel sad when I leave.
The thing that resonated in my brain during this visit in particular. The question. "Are you coming back?" Constantly, from every person I walked passed.
My answer, "No, not this year."...
And the response....."So, you're still a stay-at-home-mom."
Yeah, I am. Wanna make somethin' of it?
What is with people?
Just because they work (and they know full well, I enjoyed my job) doesn't mean I'm sad being a "SAHM"...The way they ask is like I have the plague or something. Like I contracted some mysterious illness. Their blank stares and pity for my decision is frightening.
The reaction, is of course mixed for the most part. 50% of the people are genuinely happy and jealous of my decision to stay home with The Girl because you never get these years back. And 50% think I'm nuts/How do I do it ALL DAY LONG?!
I don't know either some days. I do miss my job and my place in the world shaping little minds. But this job now is by far the hardest job I have ever had in my entire life. I'm shaping a little mind that I created myself. How important is that job? Really.
So, as I think back this morning about how much fun my old job is...I look forward to my current job as The Girl's Mamma with joy and love. I love being a "SAHM" and I wouldn't change it for all the paychecks in the world...
(Sorry Provider)
23 comments:
I'll tell ya Janet....I applaud SAHMs really. If I had a choice, I'd go to work everyday because staying at home with children is NO easy task.
And yeah, SF is beniffiting greatly. :)
I go through something similar every time I talk to friends I used to work with - then I remember the stress, the long hours an the commute and think 'I'm good, thanks' :)
ooh - HUGE pet peeve of mine. I'm going to blog on something similar soon. I worked f/t until my oldest was three so I've been on "both sides". I cannot stand it when people judge you for EITHER choice (whether you're at home or working). And it's that subtle judgment that you described that bugs me the most. The way someone asks why you're doing what you're doing, totally implying that they don't agree with what you're doing...okay I need to stop now - this is just one of those things that irks the crap out of me!
I worked till my son was 6 or 7. Granted I got off when he got out of school. But still....being at home now, has benefited everyone. The house, my well being, my relationship with hubby, and all things with the Kiddo. I wouldn't change it either. We discussed if I go back to an outside job (I sell avon) That it wouldn't be till Kiddo was in high school or even older.
WTG for you. It's the best job ever.
to hell with what they think - it's your life and your decision!!
"Yeah, I am. Wanna make somethin' of it?"
Oh my. Take it easy. No need to get upset or violent!!!!
Shaping the "little mind" that you created is a very important job - and all that matters is that you are satisfied with what you're doing.
This working mom has the upmost admiration for SAHMs everywhere. It IS the hardest job on Earth. The most rewarding, and the toughest all rolled up in to one.
I applaud all of you!
I hear you loud and clear, Janet! Like it or not, people judge. It's infuriating. Ignore them and do what feels right.
I believe that the stay home mom has the single most important job in the world...and did you see what we should make?? Something like $138,000 a year....
I have had it both ways...
I worked for 25 years and raised a 24 yr old... and I was a single mom most of Casey's life...
THAT WAS TOUGH... I wish I could have stayed home and raised him...but I had no choice...
but for the past two years, I have not "worked for pay" and I actually think I work harder now than ever...
and I don't get much adult interaction. I joke around that I wish I could go back to work for a break.. Sure, I miss working and I miss all the fun I had while working...
but there is no one better to raise your child than YOU!
My mom stayed home and raised all four of us kids... and it was the greatest....
I too have been on both sides of the fence. I worked full time until I had my 2nd (my 1st was 3). I missed the adult interaction, the challenges, the happy hours.
I did not miss the stress, the hours, the commute, or the insanely unproductive meetings. Grrrrrr.
Do you ever get that "Oh. Must be niiiice to sit at home all day/You must be lazy to not want to actually work" vibe? Love that.
But in all fairness, I had similar thoughts when I was a parent working full time. Most of it was based on jealousy. I wanted to be home.
Now, I'm just grateful that I have the choice. So many don't.
Yeah... I know what you're talking about. I'm a SAHM, and sometimes I go nuts... But I CHOSE it! And I really do love it.
Thank goodness we all get to make our own choices. I would have a very hard time working rather than being at home with my kids. My mom would have had an even harder time being at home with the kids instead of working! Haha. To each her own, right? Now if everyone could just accept each other's choices...
Girl, I give you mad props b/c come Sunday night I'm looking forward to work the next day! lol
AMEN!
I get that 50/50 mix. As the boys get older, it's starting to shift to are you still a SAHM? fun times.
ditto to all that was said above. I am a part time teacher and a full time mama and i struggle back and forth between my decision to return to work...
I hate these comments.
As a WOHM, I get the "how can you do it?" too. Or WORSE, I get the "Oh, so that's why you look like that." What's that all about? Yeah, I'm tired, but I'm happy, too!
From one SAHM to another - you are doing the BEST thing for your family right now, and you know it.
And it's the hardest job on earth. Amen, sista friend.
Let's talk on the phone sometime!
Oh, I do hear ya, Janet! Going back to visit is really tough to do.
"Still a stay-at-home-mom"? Do people hear the words they speak out loud???
Good for you!
It sounds like you have exactly the job you want - and that is the important part! It's definitely hard to be a SAHM, but I don't think anyone could argue that it's not the most important job in the world.
Amen! I may bitch about doing it but I wouldn't trade it for the world!
I get flack on occasion ... especially when people become aware that I *never* intend on returning to work ... I am in this for the long haul and I love it!
You are so right! And these years pass so quickly. I don't blame you for wanting to stay home and enjoy them with her for as long as possible.
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