This motherhood thing...
I know I am not the only one who feels this way, this time of year.
But, why is it always so hard?
Why can't I just enjoy the day without crying, stress, pimples, fear and resentment?
Will it always be this way?
Am I being selfish?
Am I wrong for feeling so bitter and betrayed?
Is it possible for me as a Motherless Mother to ever enjoy Mother's Day?
Or am I destined to feel this pain forever?
And when do I get to dictate what I get to do on Mother's Day? Why do I have to be the second/third/fourth mother in a line...
Will I always be this resentful?
I need to take joy in my daughter and learn from her.
I need to realize that this is now my life and I either need to embrace it or live semi-depressed forever.
I need to snap out of it.
I need a cup of black coffee and a shot of Southern Comfort.
I need my daughter's hugs and smile and maybe I even need to hold her hand for a while...That always makes me feel better.
I need to feel my mother's love through the love I feel for my daughter. Because that is the way I stay connected to her.
But this is all very difficult to do.
15 comments:
HUGS!
This motherhood thing is hard without any "extra" feelings of loss. Acceptance is a difficult thing to muster and I can only imagine how hard it is when you were once ever so connected to that person.
Enjoy your day ... Share it with no one ... Celebrate the life you have and the moments that should not be missed!
Happy Mother's Day!
fabulous post...so glad you are keeping it real.
I've felt like that all through the winter: "live semi-depressed forever" but I have to say that now it's spring/sunny I have cheered up. Bringing up kids is so freaking hard, there are the odd moments of heaven, but mostly, so dreary.
I don't think these days last forever. Apparently at about 10 your kids don't want to know you and are all about their peers. I look forward to it!
"I need to feel my mother's love through the love I feel for my daughter. Because that is the way I stay connected to her."
As difficult as it may be, if you will always to that - everything will be fine.
Happy Mother's Day.
So sorry!
You and I must be sisters. There are so many thing that you craft so eloquently with your words that I also feel deep in my heart. But fumble to find the words and then give up out of frustration. ::sigh::
My mother is still living, but her mother died just after the birth of my Stinkerbell. I have shared several of your posts about your mother with her. She agrees and understands totally... (her response to one post: "except for the ugly words. But I guess I think them and just don't say them out loud." ha!)
I think I wrote about the Southern tradition of Decoration and how it screws up<, err, affects my Mother's Day schedule. I struggle with resenting that A LOT!! The Decoration that occurs on Mother's Day is at the cemetary where The Mighty Hunter's family is buried. Not my family. We don't even GO to the Decorations for my family. NooOOOOOOO, that would be just ridiculous.
I guess I need to adjust my attitude a little, ok, a LOT.
Happy Mother's Day from a fellow pissed off mom.
Go have a drink in my honor!
This is a tough time...hang in there, girl. I'm thinking of you.
I am thinking of you...I decided to put myself first this year. (It's only one day!) It was a great decision & I am looking forward to a leisurely day at home with my three boys. Stand up for SF's mom!
My friend, if you come up with any answers to those questions please let me know.
Thinking of you tonight and on Mother's Day. {{hugs}}
Will raise a shotglass of Southern Comfort for you - and send a hug your way.
((()))
Happy Mother's Day!
I hope you find a way to enjoy this day. Your post "Why must everything be so difficult?" was perfect--it's what being a mom is all about.
Me? I'm off to my baby nephew's dedication at church an hour and a half away. So, again, this day is not for me. But I guess being upset at a 4-month-old would be bad?
At least I got my gift yesterday. :-)
Happy Mother's Day!
Awww, hugs Janet! I imagine it is very difficult for you. I think it's ok for you to feel ALL of the feelings and feel them fully. The depths of sadness and the height of happiness....feel them both thoroughly without guilt. I think you're only half living if you don't feel them ALL and to their full extent.
I've come to dread mother's day. Too many people ask me what I'm doing to celebrate, and I feel akward when the list of things I give them doesn't include spending time with my mom. Not for a lack of want.
Thanks for sharing. Know that it's okay for you to feel all that you feel.
I, too, hope you found some way to enjoy your day. And I think it's wonderful that you have SF. I think we all get at least a little resentful from time to time. I know I still do.
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