SAHM

I went to my old job yesterday to bring my 'remain in child care' status up to date.

I miss it.

I miss the kids. The colleagues. The principal (A big sweetheart). The Assistant Principal (One tough cookie)...The happy hours.

The Provider is quick to remind me that I always get like this when I visit there. I tend to get misty-eyed and remember only the good stuff and forget all about the bad things like the report cards, parent teacher conferences, up the butt PTA members, homework, tests, standardized tests, meetings that are useless...all that crap I complained about on a constant loop when I worked there. Top it all off, usually, everyone is grumpy, on edge, antsy, overworked and ready for the end of year by this point. (It's a NYC school don't forget)

But when I go there for a few hours, everyone is happy to see me, they are smiling, they want to hear about The Girl, are genuinely joyous over my visit. I feel sad when I leave.

The thing that resonated in my brain during this visit in particular. The question. "Are you coming back?" Constantly, from every person I walked passed.

My answer, "No, not this year."...

And the response....."So, you're still a stay-at-home-mom."

Yeah, I am. Wanna make somethin' of it?

What is with people?

Just because they work (and they know full well, I enjoyed my job) doesn't mean I'm sad being a "SAHM"...The way they ask is like I have the plague or something. Like I contracted some mysterious illness. Their blank stares and pity for my decision is frightening.

The reaction, is of course mixed for the most part. 50% of the people are genuinely happy and jealous of my decision to stay home with The Girl because you never get these years back. And 50% think I'm nuts/How do I do it ALL DAY LONG?!

I don't know either some days. I do miss my job and my place in the world shaping little minds. But this job now is by far the hardest job I have ever had in my entire life. I'm shaping a little mind that I created myself. How important is that job? Really.

So, as I think back this morning about how much fun my old job is...I look forward to my current job as The Girl's Mamma with joy and love. I love being a "SAHM" and I wouldn't change it for all the paychecks in the world...

(Sorry Provider)