But missing my prom was certainly not one of them.
I'm still not sure what makes this gorgeous woman think I'd have fun this time around???
But hey, she is the first person ever to actually ask me to go to the prom. I hope she'll be my pseudo date. And I just know SF will jump at the chance to dress up and go dancin'!
When I was 18, prom time, I had been getting ready for the 1 year anniversary of my Mother's death to breast cancer. I had my head in the clouds and my feet as far from reality as I could dig them. I had been out of high school for a year already and just earned my GED. I was brainlessly working in Kennedy Airport to fill some time. I was miserable. Depressed. And to top it all off, my boyfriend just broke up with me. Anus.
Prom was the last thing on my mind.
I didn't miss getting ready for the prom. I couldn't focus anyway. I didn't miss getting my hair done. I didn't have the money to do it. I didn't miss buying a frilly dress. I never wore those anyway. I didn't miss dancing to Bon Jovi's "I'll Be There For You" with my so-called boyfriend because I couldn't be there for myself let alone another human being. And I certainly didn't miss the people in High School. They could all rot in hell for all I care. Even today. What douchebags.
I did miss my Mom.
I spent a lot of that time partying at bars and going to the beach and hanging out and sometimes, occasionally dabbling in the wacky tobaccy. Prom was so out of my range of consciousness. It never once crossed my thoughtless mind to go to prom. Who would I even go with? I hated the 'boy', I hated the other kids there...the ones I did hang out with were too stoned to actually prepare for the prom so they didn't go either. I hated life. What would prom do for me?
That actual night, I vaguely remember going to see some friends play in their band at the local bar and hanging out with Bud(wiser). That's what I think I did on prom night. I'm still not too sure. If you asked me what my life was like back then, the only answer I could give you was: lost. The memories don't return to me until about age 23. That time I think I could safely say, I remember well. Before then, a total blur.
I still get sad when I think about all that time wasted and unused. I could have been something special if I just put my mind to it. But I was filled with fear, sadness and worst of all, grief for the loss of the only woman who could ever love me that deeply. Never again did I think I'd return to this world sane. I still have my doubts.
So Mamma, thank you for inviting me to your prom, because it is the only one I've ever been to, emotionally, spiritually or physically. I will try not to be a downer. And I don't have any pictures, but maybe SF and I will scrounge some up for the occasion. We do like to dance around in the living room.
Party on Wayne, Party on Garth.
12 comments:
I think that people that experience the great pain of loss (especially the loss of their mother) are destined to go through a period of being lost, in a fog ...
What amazes me is that *most* people come out of that period, get their sh1t together and turn out to be the most fascinating, riveting amazing people ... (that includes you!)
I made it to my prom ... yippee! It was nothing great. My date left early to go hang out with his girlfriend (don't ask) and I partied HARD with my friends ... I also won the Golden Shovel award ... I guess I was full of crap even back then *wink*
I cannot imagine what you went through, I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your mom.
This blog prom sounds really fun! I might have to participate! :)
I know what you mean about wasting time since your mother's death. I still have so much "stuff" going on in my head, that I've wasted a lot of years living in fear. So awful. Need to start healing! And some therapy! Blogging tends to do some of that for me, though!
What a terrific post, Janet! Very well written.
About not going to prom, I bet you had more fun than the people who did go. It's a very overrated activity.
Party on Wonder Mom!
I would be honored if you'd be my date. Though you might want to wait until you see the pictures...it was the 80's.
As painful as the memory of that time is--and I'm humbled that you'd even reflect on it for this--I hope you can see what you HAVE made of yourself. You ARE something!
So my dear ladies...if you and SF would do me the honor, I'd love it if you'd dance with me.
Party on Wonder Mom!
I would be honored if you'd be my date. Though you might want to wait until you see the pictures...it was the 80's.
As painful as the memory of that time is--and I'm humbled that you'd even reflect on it for this--I hope you can see what you HAVE made of yourself. You ARE something!
So my dear ladies...if you and SF would do me the honor, I'd love it if you'd dance with me.
(((you)))
(I love how you used the word "anus" for your ex!)
Save a dance for me!!!!!!!!!
Oh my...a post with the words 'anus' and 'douchebag' in it -- the sailor in me is going berserk.
I never went to my prom either. I got comfortable with a bottle of Southern Comfort instead.
I didn't know you lost your mom. I can relate, and empathize, and feel that ache I'm sure you had.
http://confessionsofanewmommy.blogspot.com/2007/03/id-like-to-thank-academy.html
You've been tagged! ;)
I went to my grad, we didn't have proms. Yes, I'm that old!. Wasn't anything great, wore the same dress that I'd worn to my grade nine grad.
Must have been awful to lose your mom so young. I think I would have been pretty lost.
I don't think you lost any time, I think you were doing exactly what you needed to do.
High school and Prom are WAY overrated!
Sorry to hear about your mom.
I don't think missing the prom has scarred you too badly! I think you are a pretty cool chick!
I say go with Mamma and shake your money maker to Ricky Martin songs!
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