hi. dont tell them i was here...i need some help.im gonna try to type this out fast because i dont wanna get into trouble again. theyre all out of the house and i dont have much time...my head hurts from all the beatings with the rolled up magazine. do you know, they put rubber bands around the ends of the magazine to keep it tight. well, it fucking hurts...those rubber bands. and i cant help peeing on the floor once in a while. im only a puppy.
friggin paws, how do you capitalize letters with paws? the question mark is hard enough.
as you know, i like to browse the web once in a while. i read a few blogs over mommys shoulder too and theres one blog in particular that I feel a certain bond with. especially today. jessica gave me a good idea today. she has this affinity for dana and my family does too.
you see, my big sister...they call her fafa around here...lately, she cant keep her finger out of my own dana. how humiliating. she is constantly jamming crap into it and all they do is laugh or get disgusted and wash her hands. whattabout my leather starfish? they dont check to see if it is alright. they dont wash it out to make sure the crayon is all gone.
they laugh.
and ignore me.
oh im sorry, did i get in your way with that marker up my ass...ok ill move.
so i need your help.
im begging for someone to tell these crazies that dog sodomy should be illegal if it isnt already. what do i hafta do to get some respect around here? i have had ass issues since i got here and they just dont seem to ever end. what is with these people? i think they bring it on themselves. i really do. they are obsessed with ass and i am stuck in the middle of it all.
and this friggin kid is a pest. just as i get comfortable on the couch i see the kid coming and i try to run away. i really do. i just cant seem to run fast enough. i dont have much space to hide. shes always up my butt. literally.
she squeezes my head till my eyes pop put, she yanks on my poor helpless tail, she tries to hug me with her clammy hands. then after she totally kicks my ass they lock me up. thats right. i get an hourly internal exam then i get locked up for it. does that make sense to you?
oh, she pretends to love me. yeah right. but i know the truth. she is evil. how many ass invasions do i hafta take before someone gets the hint here? and the kicker, they think its cute. they laugh and say awww look at dog and big sister...they love each other...holy shit. if only i could wrap my paws around her neck tight enough...then theyd get it.
im suffering people. is this what you humans do for fun? are colonoscopies a treat for you? why do i hafta hear her stomping towards me yelling im gonna put my finger in dogs ass...look at dogs ass mommy, its pink...no shit sherlock. its pink. and my poop is brown you know your colors genius.
im desperate. im asking anyone out there to help. call someone. anyone. help me get this kids fingers out of my ass...jessica...are you there...help me.....for the love of dana....
shit. theyre home....that fucking magazine again....gotta go....
20 comments:
Learn how to run backwards, artie. That'll keep your tushie out of range
can barely type. laughing too hard.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nicely done, nicely done....
I am ROLLING!!!
Hey Artie go get a pair of sf's panties and put them on to protect the dookie shoot!
ha ha ha ha ha
mel
OMG! That's fricken' hilarious! Artie just earned himself a ROTFL nomination. A small consolation prize for all he's going through. That poor dog is going to need doggy Prozac and some therapy.
Too freaken funny!
Heee heeee....
THAT IS FUNNY GIRL...
I swear to Godfrey... I love that dog! It really makes me want to go and and get one... he's soo darn cute...
You're really good at this!
Heh. Poor Artie. I second SF's gitchies to protect the bunghole. Or maybe some boy-ish ones of his own.
lol great post Artie. I feel for ya!
LMAO
I have 2 dogs here who can protect you, Artie.
And I thought my pets had it bad.
Your poor dog!
Hahahahahahahaha!
ROFL ARtie.... hey man don't eat crayons and it won't be a problem anymore!!
hehehehe poor Puppy!! Indeed learning to run backwards may help :P
Dear Artie,
Sit in the corner with your ass against the wall. If SF tries to pull you out of the corner by your ears, bite her.
Keep us updated. Sooner or later, someone from PETA or the Humane Society will see this, and they will come by to lock them all up. Then, the house will be all yours and you can pee on the floor whenever you like.
RWA
artie, ella here. the girl here goes at my brown star like it's grapefruit. i shit you not (ha, shit, ha ha), she tiptoes in the kitchen while her mom shamelessly ignores us to blog, and sneaks a teaspoon, thank god she hasn't found the real grapefruit spoon with serrated edges. anyway she takes the damn thing to, ahem as she calls it, get the potty out of me. i wish i had an answer, i am exhausted walking around in a full ass clench. i keep hoping she'll take an interest in the piece of shit cat, but he's too damn fast. fucker. good luck budy
And I thought my dog had it bad. All she has to deal with is getting her ears & tail pulled, and the occasional tackle, AKA, "hug" from our toddler!
artie, artie, artie. Whatever would we do without your postcards from the edge? I'd invite you to my place but you'd be ridden like a horse around here. Best to stay put....
Leather starfish, omg.
LMAO.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaha ha ha! Cute!
Gaahahahahahahah! That is too freaking funny. Definitely deserve that nomination by Jessica!
I haven't laughed that hard in a while. Thanks!
Post a Comment