She melts my heart.

So Fa was having a hard day today. Every once in a while she'd lose it and start screaming. She has this violent side to her that is a little harsh. When she gets good and pissed she hits and bites. She has stopped hitting and biting me...with the help of the treasured "time out". But she still hits and bites...The rug, the couch, the pillows whatever is closest. (even the hard wood floors)

Today, when I stopped her from playing with the precious 'shitting machine' because I was getting grossed out by all his saliva on her hands. She lost it big time. She tantrummed like the true two year old that she can be. She ran to her yellow balloon that has been helpless on the floor since Memorial Day. BD bought it for her. It lost it's string and helium and just kinda lumbered around the living room for her to toss once in a while on a whim. But if we threatened to throw it away, whoo hoo, ALL hell breaks loose. So we have been ignoring it. It caused us no harm. She hardly ever played with it. But we did toss it back and forth somewhat more than usual today. Who knew it meant so much.

Well, well...she bit into this balloon with all her heart and soul. POP! Her face had the look of panic. I thought she was gonna scream. I figured she'd scared herself with the unexpected pop of the balloon. She's never bitten a balloon before, that is a loud sound...However, her true reaction melted my heart. She looked at me with her little, pouty bottom lip and genuinely cried in mourning. "I popped my most favorite present of all!" Mommy I broke my best present!"
I started tearing up right along with her. I truly felt her pain. That balloon was a gift from her dad and it gave her happy feelings to know it was around. And in anger, she popped it. Her favorite present was broken by her own actions. I tried to explain that that is what happens when you act out in anger. But I thought I was gonna die right there. I felt her heart break right there in front of my very own eyes.

All I could do was hug her and tell her it was going to be okay. She was devastated. I was heartbroken. She kept saying, "We hafta throw it in the garbage now, it's broken." The tears were welled up in her eyes and it took all my strength not to break down with her. She handled it well enough, but tonight when I put her to bed, she brought it up yet again and I started crying all over again for her loss. What a terrible thing to have happen, as a two year old that's total devastation. It's only just the beginning and my heart truly melts for her.