Scatologist to the Stars

That is me!

Just ask. I know all about the doodie-goings-on in this house more than anyone else on earth. I guess you could say, I'm totally full of shit. Because I am. I feel like I'm covered in the stuff from head to toe. It's nauseating. I have it stuck in my nostrils and I think I see it laying around when it really isn't there. It's like a horror movie. Haunted Shit. Children of the Shit. The Shitville Horror, I see shit people!!!!

OK. Now if you want your shit analyzed just let me know. I can tell you when the best times for you to go are, and could tell you what you ate just by a single glance.

Farfallina:

• Goes once a day (usually in the morning)
• She's constipated unless she eats whole grains and fruits
• She has IBS
• She loves fruit but doesn't eat many veggies
• Hides behind the loveseat when she hasta go and tells me to go in the kitchen
  
• When she eats blueberries her poop is blue, but frequent
• Loves Farting like her mom
  
• Still would prefer her Pull Up to the potty

RT:

• Poops 3-5 times a day - definitely morning, noon and night but also after nap and play time
• Eats 3 times a day
• Farts like a Champ
• Still has some sort of parasite in his poop that he's being treated for (YUM!)
• His ass bulges out when he hasta go and he squats in a circle
  
• Only eats puppy food
• Comes out like Carvel Soft Serve
• Stinks

Want your Shit analyzed call me...I'll do it. I'm good at it. Tom Cruise, eat shit.