Thank you everyone for commenting on this one! I really still don't know what to do. And it seems you are all split on your decisions as well. Some of you are all for it while others are all for the privacy thing. At least you have helped me see that I am not the only one who thinks of these things. God, I love my internet friends.
I think I'm going to give BD his privacy and let Fa know that Mommies and Daughters can be in the bathroom together and Daddies and daughters don't. Unless it's inevitable...Ugh. Whatever. Everyone pees and poops right?
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Do any of you let your daughters watch your husbands pee?
I know. Get to the point. But BD and I have been questioning each other on what we believe. We are in agreement so I guess I am really questioning myself.
Fa cries whenever he goes into the bathroom. She watches me in there do just about everything so she wants to watch her dad too. But I say no. And so does he.
But, if she's gonna learn about pottying, shouldn't she see 'both sides'? It is a healthy part of life and everyone does it. I just think it's a little weird for her to see her dad's hay nanny nanny dangling in the breeze, no?
We are in a quandary. I don't want her to cry when he goes, I think it sends her the wrong message when he closes her out. I don't want her to think its a bad thing and I don't want her questioning in her three year old brain why Daddy is 'different' and she can't watch. Then again, I don't think she should see his thang hang. That might scar her for life....
Boys don't sit to pee so why should he? Or do they? If she sees that will THAT be sending the wrong message too?
Or should she just get over it and learn that Mommy's and daughter's do things like that together and Daughter's and Daddy's don't? Mommy's teach girls about pottying and Daddy's teach boys? I don't know.
I guess I grew up in a pretty liberal home. Dad walked around in his skivvies all the time. It was nothing to me. I saw him 'sitting' on the pot and all. And I was always in the bathroom with my Mother. So, that sort of stuff doesn't phase me. But BD grew up differently. His parents were quite secretive about bathroom habits. It was a private affair and something left for 'your eyes only'.
I never thought about it until this week when I noticed F crying every time BD locked her out of the bathroom. What to do?
Do you let your opposite sex children watch your bathroom habits?
16 comments:
I don't think it's appropriate for a daughter to see her father's penis. She will learn about using the potty by watching you...the same-sex parent. She can't learn anything by watching him. She can learn about the male anatomy if she gets a baby brother or later on when she's old enough to grasp the concept.
By him closing the door, she will learn to have respect for people's privacy. I don't see it as him shutting her out.
It is a non-issue here. True Becca has no concept of a closed bathroom door so when we have family or guests over she tries to open the door, but we just try to tell her that with others we do not go in.
Obviously, my husband does take care not to shake it all about and do the hokey pokey but it is not a forbidden thing either. As she gets older I would imagine there will be more limitations, I am just not sure what they will be.
I am not helpful on this sorry!
I'm no help in terms of parenting experience since our babe is only 8 months old, but I can say that if I saw my dad's wang chung it was no older than 3 or 4 and I sure don't remember it. My opinion, for what it's worth (not much!) is that if it makes her happy, let her go in once, explain that boys, once they have grown big, pee standing up and they only do it with other boys in the room (okay, that sounds weird ~ maybe you should say 'alone') and maybe you can say that you don't want her to get splashed with pee or something to get her to leave him alone. Or just go with the privacy thing. Or maybe this is just the worst comment ever...
;-)
As the father of both here it goes, boys with boys, girls with girls, except when a father has to take his daughter into a public restroom, he dosen't go but protects his girl from others. Even though when my daughter was young she would bang on the bathroom door -- I'd say Daddy has to go I'll be right out. No need having them grow up any faster than needed. Boys learn from other boys, therefore it's an advantage to have them there with you... Just one man's opinion, for what it's worth!
Oh there's no bathroom privacy in my house. We have three boys, but it was hubs who had a bigger problem with letting them in.
I grew up in a house where bodies were not hidden--just a fact of life.
I guess my feeling is that if you make something "forbidden" it becomes a mystery and either scary or something you do everything to find out about.
Why not make a penis no big deal now when she's three so that when she's 13 or 18 it's not some forbidden scary thing.
Just my opinion.
I don't have kids, so I probably shouldn't even comment. There are some interesting opinions on here, though.
I'm not sure I would want my three-year-old daughter (if I had one) watching me in the bathroom.
I'm not sure I'd want my kids watching either of us in the bathroom. Not that I have any, so it's very hard to say what I'd think.
Being that I've not really thought much about this prior to reading your post, it's interesting to me that I have no problem letting my 3 year old son in the bathroom w/ me ... but if I had a 3-year old daughter I"m not so sure I'd let her in with her dad. Hmmm. Double standard on my part?
Girl, you know how I love a potty-topic!!! Here's my two and a half cents....I am the only va-jay-jay in a house of testosterone, as you know. That being said, I can't tell you when the last time I had any sort of privacy was. It's just not a big deal to me. I believe in appropriate discretion when needed, and I believe my instincts will lead me down the right path. Yours will, too. I never actually so my dad doing his bathroom business, but growing up (and even now) he was all about walking around in his drawers! And I turned out okay, right?
Both my girls have seen their dad's, what did you call it? His nanny, nanny? They don't appear to have suffered any harm from seeing a penis. Our ensuite became a communal bathroom when the kids were little, so everybody peed in front of everyone else, sounds kind of gross when I say it like that but it really was no big deal. As they get older the kids will be the ones locking you out and that's a normal part of growing up too.
Yes, my kids come in the bathroom with me all the time.
Gabe only comes in when it is necessary.
I think it's alright for girls to see thier mommy's go pee, but not their daddy's. I have two daughter's and when I was potty-training my girls they never went into the bathroon with their daddy. What you need to do is teach that Daddy needs to go to the bathroom and he needs his privacy and distract her with something else.
Oh! Good question. Every once in a while our girls and boy follow Daddy into the bathroom. They all cry any time any door closes them out, but the girls are getting better (almost 3).
I grew up in a house where I never even saw my mom get dressed much less go to the bathroom. I'm very uncomfortable about changing in front of my children now as a result.
But the point is that I don't know how old children she be before they stop seeing their parents naked. My hubby's parents were the type to shower with their children.
In my own narrow mind, no child would ever see either parent naked, but I still don't think it's scarring the girls to see Daddy pee. It's currently easier than closing the door and dealing with 3 children having melt downs.
In a perfect world, I like the idea of teaching the child you have a right to privacy and boundaries. We haven't mastered that yet.
Aren't you glad I posted and said absolutely nothing helpful? :) Good topic though. Tough one.
And you're welcome for the nonsense and typos. Ooops! I need sleep.
My two cents - I don't think it's a problem for a girl her age to see her daddy peeing. But then again I suppose it's all up to your comfort level. If your husband is uncomfortable with having her in the bathroom then she'll probably pick up on that discomfort eventually. I'd try not to make it such a big issue, however, because she'll just grow curious as to why she's purposefully being shut out.
I don't think I would mind at this age (Hailey's just 2) but it's a non-issue here because Victor "needs his privacy". Hell, I don't even see him in the bathroom.
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