Where's all the burp cloths?

I am in deep shit.

Fa has this burp cloth that she can NOT live breathe without. She sleeps with it, eats with it, takes it every-fuckin'-where. She adores this thing. We used to have two of them. Then my bestest buddie K gave me her daughter's final (and not needed) pink gingham burp cloth as a backup. We had three. I was confident and secure. Then, I lost one a few months back in the mall. But I was all, "Ah, what's the big deal? That was the spare anyway! We have two more!"

Now, I can't seem to find the farkin' second pink gingham backup burp. I am in deep shit.

Don't get me wrong. I do try to offer up others as substitution. We have at least 30 different colored burp cloths. Purple, Green gingham, flowered burps, teddy covered burp cloths, plain white-with-spit-up-stained burp cloths, "Super Pink Burp cloths"...But I only have ONE, single, solitary pink burp cloth. The Queen of all the burps. "Pink Lady", the love of her life. The one and only.

It is filthy.

We take it everywhere, she sleeps with it. It has been dragged on the floor of home depot while we look for doors and doorbells to ring. It has been lost in Whole Foods where we had to backtrack down the aisles to find her. It/she has been stepped on, peed on, fed and wrapped around our heads. It is a mess. Fa won't let me wash it/her.

So, last night was the final straw that broke the burp cloths back. I stole it. I washed it. I dried it. Fa was not privy to my deceit. She looked all over the house for it though. We played "hide and seek" with it and pretended not to know where it/she was. We kept looking for it. All the while, I kept checking the load of laundry to see if it was ready yet. I sped up the spin cycle in the wash to quicken up the process and shorten her anxiety. I dried it with lightening quick speed and let it cool off for a millisecond before handing it back to her. She is smart, she knows the feel of 'just-dried burp cloth' and she doesn't like it. As she was watching Oswald on the couch, her before bed ritual, I handed it to her with a smile. She was none the wiser. I won that battle, but I surely didn't win the war.

What about next time?

Needless to say, I have a bid on "that wonderful online superstore" for the only pink gingham burps I can find in creation. Apparently, they are not being made anymore. I can't find them anywhere. I better win this bid. If anyone out there overbids me for these burps, I'll hunt you down, and chew your head off and piss down your neck. That, my friend is a warning.

I am desperate. I am in deep shit. I'll do anything for a pinkie. Hell, almost anything.

**Updated**
Some motherfucker just outbid me by 50 fucking cents. I'm going to find this prick sucking bitch and slap her with a burp cloth.
**Updated again**
Hmmm....very interesting coincidence.
**Updated and Overrated**
I am currently the highest bidder on the burpies. Seems to be a 'very familiar' name bidding against me in "Burpgate". I investigated and it seems with "friends like these, who needs enemies?'...stay tuned.