Journey Through Hell and Back...A Comedy.

Once upon a time when The Laundress was still “JJ”, she was thin, muscular and energetic. She taught dance every day and went to the gym/took fitness classes in the mornings before work. She was still always cranky but at least she had a 'great bod'. Today, she feels old, washed up and tired. Motherhood can really beat the shit out of you, by the way.

After months of complaining to her King about the way she felt; TL decided to get a detox done on her to make herself feel better. It worked. TL had more energy and even lost a few pounds. She is actually right back to her ‘pre-baby weight. (2 years and 8 months later)

One day recently, TL thinks this crazy thought to join the gym again. “Why not?” She says. “It can’t be all that bad, really!” Well, she was wrong. Dead wrong. Last night, TL met the ‘Scorpion Woman’, her initiation/personal trainer at the new gym. She seemed sweet enough at first. She was young, beautiful and full of life. She made small talk and got to know a little about TL’s background, smiling the entire time. (she had the devil in her eyes) 

She made sure to explain how she was certified in pre/post natal exercise and kickboxing and she knew CPR. She explained where she went to school and how she became a personal trainer. She seemed almost docile. She turned evil quickly. As soon as they hit the gym floor, she became malevolence incarnate with fire spitting out of her eyeball sockets. Fwoosh...

TL gasped and sweat and hyperventilated a bit. She tried to look for the 666 engraved in the back of Scorpion Woman’s head, but that damn woman was too swift and TL couldn’t keep up with her. TL’s arms shook and her legs trembled with every set of gajillion reps that the evil serpent lady made her do to “strengthen her core”. (yah right, sure) Scorpion Woman allowed TL to take quick water breaks to ‘rehydrate’ but she really was just taking some time out to sharpen her claws and mingle with the other gym imps that hover around to see the sacrifice taking place.

After one full, agonizing hour, TL was set free to wobble down 3 flights of stairs to her car. Yet, TL didn’t know that it would be physically impossible to steer the 80 ton piece of machinery back home. What a night!

When TL got to her safe haven swearing all the while that she will never go back to that woman ever again in her life, she realized her daughter was already in her crib for the night. Bummer. So TL did the unthinkable on a usual night. (Must’ve been those damn ‘endorphins’.) She went into Fa’s room to hug her and kiss her goodnight.

She heaved the 30 pound child out of her crib, (gotta get this gal a bed) into her still trembling arms and rocked her gently in their chair. It was heaven on earth. She understood at that moment, why she was torturing herself. (For Fa.) If TL feels good about herself, then Fa will do the same and they have a chance in this crazy world. TL must make herself feel better and enjoy this life with her child. It’s the only chance she has. 

So, TL will keep her torture session for Monday and repeat the agony once again; one more time for the love of god. Then she is on her own. She will go to her gym regularly and make herself stronger and fit. She will eat right and drink her coffee again like a normal person. She will lose her momentum but her King will keep her motivated. (After all, he paid for her membership at the gym in the first place.) She will do it. She is motivated enough. She was even able to type this morning, so she must not be that bad...gah! To top it all of, she posted her saga all over the internet…so she has to keep her word….Maybe she will live happily ever after; after all…