F's two year molars are almost all in. You know what that means right? Crying. Tantrums. Edgy girls. Short fuses. Fighting non stop. Yup. She's teething. There's only one more molar to finish its debut and then she's done. And you know what? I'm sad.
When F was born, I waited patiently for her first tooth. (It didn't arrive until she was 11 months old.) I waited and waited and frickin' waited and nothing. Then one day, I saw them cutting through pink, swollen gums. I cried. I was so happy but so scared that teething would be disastrous. I thought, jeez she's got a lOOOOOOOng way to go until all of her teeth are in. This is gonna suck big moose...But mostly, she was pretty good. She drooled, cried, bit on things. Then as fast as it started, she had most of her choppers. Her one year molars were terrible. They came late too. She had bad issues with those suckers.
Then we waited again. For a long. long while until this week, when we noticed the last of the Mohicans show their crowns. All this time I thought she was being a total 'ho because she was sick last week. Nope. Teeth. Those suckers are ripping through her poor little gums like gangbusters. (And they always come in late too. Bastards!)
Why am I sad, you ask? Because this is just another proof positive that my baby is growing up. No more teething, a milestone of infancy and toddlerdom. She's onto bigger and better things. All of her choppers are in now. Pretty soon, the tooth fairy will be paying us regular visits. And I will never have her slobbering and gnawing goat like on plastic toys again. It sounds nice, but I was so worried that teething was gonna be terrible that once again, I didn't get to enjoy being in the moment. I never live in the moment. Ever. It seems that I blinked and I missed teething. That is why I'm sad.
She's a big girl now and I know there is so much more to look forward to. But. But. I feel like I missed out on a lot of the other infant things that are supposed to be so cool because of that damn PPD. I hate that shit. I am resentful to it; and if I could I would kick it in the balls and call it dickface. Fucker.
I am so happy that F is growing and thriving and I know how lucky I am to be around such a wonderful little person but I'm still mad. I have the right to be don't I? I'm not mad at her, I'm mad at that fuckin' PPD kickin' my ass and taking away special moments that I'll never get back. That's why I'm mad. Damn you PPD, damn you to hell.
7 comments:
awww I have never experienced ppd but I can tell by your words it was hell for you. Becca was a preemie and for a long time I just wanted her to be ok that I missed out on some happy milestones. Living in the moment is challenging for sure!
Hugs!
Y'know, I'm sooo glad I've never had to cope with PPD. I am SOOO glad there has been more awareness of it in the media (even if it's by stupid people like Tom Cruise). I've had several friends who've had it and I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy!
Miles just got the bottom 2 now he's working on some more.. which ones who knows. He has these fits as well it just comes with the territory, I guess!
amen, sista. and you are right... times pass by quicker than a flash of lightening. so do not let that "damn ppd" stop you from enjoying any future moments. it's over. it sucked. but now its over. stop letting it continue to suck more moments than it is allowed. remember: the days are long but the years are short. let it go.
I think our kids are on the same tooth track. Hailey's getting her last ones in now and I'm just as freaked out about it. how did this pass so quickly?
I didn't realize you'd had PPD. That sucks. I was sure I'd get it since I have an anxiety disorder but luckily it passed over me. All we can do is use this feeling to make us stop for a minute and enjoy the little people they are a bit longer than we would have.
I think our kids are on the same tooth track. Hailey's getting her last ones in now and I'm just as freaked out about it. how did this pass so quickly?
I didn't realize you'd had PPD. That sucks. I was sure I'd get it since I have an anxiety disorder but luckily it passed over me. All we can do is use this feeling to make us stop for a minute and enjoy the little people they are a bit longer than we would have.
PPD sounds like it totally sucked and you can be mad but then you have to let it go. If you don't,it will hover over your head for all eternity and it will win.It can only win if you allow it to win.
You're stronger than that. Write your PPD a letter and either bury it or burn it and then move on. Oh ya....easier said than done,I know.
It's like with our trip to Disney this past November. Our first trip in 11 years. Lillianna's first trip to Disney. On our 4th day,I was rushed to the hospital with pancreatitis and almost died. I spent 7 days in the hospital while Rich and Lil continued on the vacation at my insistence.
It was a nightmare. I still have flashbacks. Sometimes I am so mad I could punch a wall. I was robbed of my lovely family vacation. Who knows when we can save money and do that again???? Ya,I'm pissed....less pissed now,10 months later but still pissed.
I literally have to sit myself down, realize I'm alive...YAY!...and be grateful that I was given many more years to share with my husband and daughter, and although I mourn my lost Disney trip,I can't let it take over my life. I am MORE than my pancreatitis and diabetes. WAY MORE....just like you are more than your PPD. It was horrible,a nightmare....but it's in the past. We HAVE to live in the present.
You can do it.
Post a Comment