2 more days

Maybe I'm just a really extra sensitive person. I never thought I was. But I guess I am.

Everything makes me cry.

Is it getting older? Does that make you more sensitive?

Does PMS get worse as the years go by?

It can't always be THE HAT TRICK can it? I hafta get used to this sooner or later right?

Dunno?!

I am extra possessive and protective over my men. Don't mess with me there...

And I am like a raging lunatic to protect my kid.

Nothing has happened. I'm just waiting with my back up. For something, anything to send me reeling into a tizzy...I'm ready to rip someones head off if they look at me the wrong way.

And I'm tense. Extra tense. I've been going back to the chiropractor (God love him) and he's been trying (in vain) to loosen up the gargantuan knot in my spine.

Blogging truly is my therapy and I haven't even been posting regularly. I've been reading a lot of my blogroll and trying to comment but that isn't helping either...Hmmm...Now I know somethings up.

You know, everyone always thinks of J as this easy-going and calm...roll off your back like water off a duck's ass type-o chick...But it's the people who know me (the 3 or 4 of you) that know I keep it all inside. I tense up more and more the more shit I hold inside and I literally explode in one way or another.

Crying, yelling, throwing the remote...But I always do it when I'm alone.

I think I need to explode.

But herein lies the problemo.

I'm never alone.

And I will NOT explode in front of the Girl. Even though I have been extra edgy with her too these days. She is starting to think I may be Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde...

Then I look at the calendar and I realize the calendar reads June 28th...Two more days till July and my three months of mourning is over...for now. I did nothing to remember Mom on the 25th like I thought I wanted to...But I guess I did what my subconscious wanted me to. I did go back to the chiropractor for the first time that day....Was she pushing me to?

Or do I need some serious meds/detox/work out to chill me out again?

Probably.

Thanks for listening.

Unda 18

No, that's not how old I wish I was again. (I'd never do that again, even for a Billion Dooooollaaaaars...pinky to mouth)

That is a drainage therapy that I have started as of yesterday. I went back to the chiropractor/homeopathic therapist yesterday and she said my whole body is "out of whack". Literally.

She has begun the process of adjusting my spine back to normal again (I am quite crooked) and she started me on the detoxing treatments. I also have a very restricted diet to remove all possibilities of anything adding toxins to my body. I can only eat the foods that she tested on me that don't irritate my body right down to the cellular level. I have been surviving on these foods ...an issue, but they are making me feel crummy so I guess, I'll just hafta adjust. Today, I can not have coffee..(I plan on having one cup at breakfast or I WILL DIE), no vegetables at all or any root veggie, no wheat, oats, rye, (any carb...ugh), dairy and hardly any fruit.
On the positive side, I can eat:

• water
• blueberries
• chicken
• turkey
• all rice products
• any beans including green beans
• sweet potato (yay, love those)
  
• eggs
• UNDA 18

Finito. That's it. I can survive on that, but oh so frickin' borink!

I have also explained to her that I am thinking of going back to antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds but I wanted to try something homeopathic first. That is her specialty. So, she is starting this with me as well as chiropractic and physical therapy. N.E.T is very new to me, so I am very interested in its healing properties. I hope this works. I guess, just being excited about something is a first step, huh? It is quite an interesting process. I'm still learning about it as the treatments continue.

I know initially, I am going to feel like I am detoxing drugs out of my system. I am already starting to have withdrawals. Seriously. It feels like you are getting sick, before you actually start to feel great. I've done the detox thing before and it sucks big beans during the initial stages but once you are clean, you can even see better. It is amazing. I am looking forward to that. At least I know this crappy feeling only lasts a few days, until the hurtful shit it out of your system. The good feeling lasts a whole lot longer. The last time I detoxed was over a year ago, and now I'm doing it again. That's a pretty long time. For me, anyway.

So wish me luck. I am already starting to crave caffeine...Starbucks? Shit, no.