I find myself digging deep within myself for patience these days.
I notice that I am talking myself through the most mundane tasks in order not to lose my cool over silly things. However, it's not working. I'm pissed all the time. And my fuse is burnt to a crisp.
"OK J...she's 3, it WILL take her a half an hour to brush her teeth and you'll be lucky she actually skims a tooth with her toothbrush..."
"This is normal J, she has to question you...she's curious."
"But she only walks at a turtle's pace because she has smaller legs than you and she is taking it all in..."
"But breakfast isn't really the most important meal of the day..is it?" "As long as she's eating something!!"
"Of course its all about her...you've made it that way for her entire life...you can't expect her to deal with sharing your time now." (Just the other day...I asked Girl to please crawl out of my buttcrack because I needed to talk to her...) She giggled. I wanted to cry.
Why am I finding it so hard to do the easy tasks of each day?
Why am I losing patience with the three year old, who really is only being three? (...and quite a terrific three at that!)
I mean really...How easy is it to be with someone on a continuous loop 24 hours a day 7 days a week without losing it once in a while?
...No matter how much your heart is overflowing with love for that person.
Even people who work three jobs and 95 hours a week get a break from their co-workers once in a while.
(NO, I don't want to go to work!)
Why can't I ever keep the house presentable? And why is the floor/sink/laundry/dog always dirty?
Why can't I call that kid's mother for a playdate when I know Girl loves the friggin' kid...but I just don't wanna be bothered?
Why then, do I complain that I have no mommy friends and no one to hang out with?
Why do I find it so hard to stay happy?
Not get happy.
Stay happy. Stay calm, balanced and just content.
What is the problem?
25 comments:
Sorry you're feeling so down on yourself.
Sometimes we all need a little break. It's okay to admit that. I've been doing my best to spend more time with the kids and I'm really not used to the constant talking and needing, so I've been trying really hard to stay, we'll call it, "rational."
At least in your head, you have a sane conscience telling you what's up...I don't think about that until AFTER the fact and then feel really bad about it. That's gotta be a good sign. :) Hope you catch a little "Me" time this weekend.
I understand. I really do.
You know this is normal. I went through it too. Sometimes we just feel like all we do is wear our mom shoes and we loose ourselves a little. Every day tasks are just ritual and boring. It's not that we don't love being moms; I think it's just after a point - we need to remember we aren't JUST moms!
You need a day to yourself to relax and pamper yourself! Go meet some other people, people you can veg out with and vent about mommyhood stuff (in person). If you lived nearby I'd definately hang with ya!
No one EVER said that ANYTHING about being a mom is easy.
I know that feeling of "drowning' only too well. You need a break! If only for a while! If you can, let Mista watch her this evening and go shopping, or to a movie, or just AWAY for a couple of hours.
If not...I say put on her favorite movie, pop popcorn for her and slip into the tub.
I hope you get some "you" time soon!
What you are feeling is all very normal! It is exhausting to be "on" 24/7!!!!!!!
Right there with you.
RIGHT THERE.
AAAHHHH!!!
You sound depressed sweetie.
Janet - This is a process and a season in life. Granted, I thought it would never change, too, but now it has. Mine are now 11 and 8, and they jump in and help, and are a joy to spend time with. They now know the Lord, and listen to Him, so there is a completely different outlook from the toddler stages we lived through.
With my wife being disabled (for the past 5 years), I have had many times of feeling overwhelmed. It's ok to ask for or hire help with the house, or to segment it so that you break it up and organize it (www.flylady.com is a good source).
One thing I had to learn was that my kids' behavior and my home's tidyness (or lack of BOTH) are NOT a reflection of who I am. My identity is squarely secure in who God says that I am - His beloved child. I am learning, and not there yet. I am a work in progress. Just like when your child stumbles and falls down when learning to walk, it is part of the learning, and NOT failure. As a loving Father, how much more He loves us and encourages us and picks us up when we fall down.
I am talking with Him about you, and He likes you. I know you know He loves you, but He is also proud of you and likes you just as you are. It is in the BEING and not the DOING that you find your true and whole identity. Doing should flow out of being, not the reverse. What you do will never change who you are. Knowing and realizing who you are can utterly transform what you do.
Be blessed today (because you are)...
Jeff
I've been working on a post just like this. I completely understand. It seems so hard to just be happy and not find fault in so much.
And going back to work isn't the answer for me either.
I feel your pain. My three year old and I go round and round. He is just being himself and some days it just drives me nuts.
Your feelings are normal. I wish I had words of wisdom. ((HUGS))
I know you don't want to go to work, but it made a HUGE difference for me. Maybe not work, but a weekly volunteer thing without her, or a massage, dinner date with women or something maybe?
Oh sweety...it's okay!!!!
I've gotten to this point...usually right before I sent Cael away to his dad's for a week. And by the time he comes back I can't wait. But all mommies need some TIME! All mommies can NOT answer the same question over and over again without going crazy.
Lean on your friends and family and you don't necessarily have to explain why - just see if you can get a BREAK for a day, two days, whatever...and get some time to yourself, ya know? It't totally understandable.
It all sounds very familiar. I don't know if it helps to know that apparently there are lots of us who have gone or are going through this. I have no mommy friends either, for all the same reasons you list. Thank goodness for e-friends, right?
Hey BTW I nominated you for something. Hope it lifts your spirits some!
I am so completely not an expert in any of this...but sweetie, sounds like you need a break. Get Mista to watch her and go have an afternoon/evening with the girls or even by yourself. Get something fun and nice for YOU. Mani/Pedi, whatever makes YOU Happy. Just worry about you and you alone.
I wish I knew what to say other than I am just so sorry that you feel this way.
Oh girl. The part about professionals getting a day off...TOTALLY.
Even when we have time off, it's not time off. And those who haven't done what we do will never understand. That's why we have each other.
I told My Baby's Daddy just today...I'm just freaking going back to work!!!! Of course, we both knew I didn't mean it...but aaaaagggghhhh! Really! Some days it just really all crashes down around you. And then tomorrow is another day. I'm so stealing, "crawl out of my buttcrack because I need to talk to you!" I left the sanctity of my own bedroom today, because Thing 1 & Thing 2 were hovering up in my kool-aid...I brought my make-up case into the living room and put on a "grown-up show." Before you can say mascara, I'll be damned if they're not back again!
I've been there with the playdate thing, too. Sometimes just managing your own little red wagon is more than enough. And making "polite conversation" is just sometimes too much of an effort.
It's true that "nothing I do stays done"...i.e., the laundry, the dishes, the diaper changing, picking up toys, but I'm sure there will come a day when we look back on these days as the best ever. I've read it's the longest days & the shortest years...you're a great mom with a great kid. Take a deep breath (and a glass of wine) and start fresh tomorrow.
I'm here if you need me...
xoxo
I find myself like this, a lot. I have decided it's just exhaustion - it's hard work and sometimes you need a break.
Call that kid's mom! Who cares if the house isn't presentable, if she's any kind of decent person, she won't care.
Mommy friends, and mom's nights out have really, really helped me. Hubster can listen, and he's really very good - but sometimes it's just good to get out and laugh with other moms, other women you know?
You are completely normal. Dealing with our little people can make the most emotionally stable person crumble. If having children was easy can you imagine how over populated the world would be? This is God's insurance policy.
The problem is that you're HUMAN and you've got these expectations that can't all possibly be met at the same time.
Think about asking your doc for some anti-anxiety meds. They take the edge off.
Hold ME!
I am so so there with you! Becca is wow ... Wonderful, yet there are some days (heck every day ... moments shall we say) that I just want to scream in frustration. And some days I do.
HUGS! I am told that a few months before they turn four they become that kid we miss so much, the companion the one that does not argue every moot point!
Hang in there :)
Man oh man can I ever relate to these feelings. When my gremlins were young, I was a single mom with no support or relief from them. I am ashamed to say I had no patience and yelled at them way too much. Now a days they are older and I am no longer single..but I live in a town with no friends, no family and no one to talk to..so it does get overwhelming at times...hang in there, it won't always be this way (I hope not for me either)...
OH MY! I know those feelings well!
You know...I ask myself a lot of those questions all the time. So you're not alone! What's worse...is the guilt I feel when I'm asking all these questions to myself and The Princess or JR. Peanut comes up to me and hugs me for no apparent reason.
One of the great lies of motherhood is the "terrible twos". Twos got nothing on threes. it's a much harder age IMO. And I stayed down/depressed/not happy while Payton was 3. Very hard.
You aren't alone.
I wish I had an answer for you.
Post a Comment